Monday, February 13, 2006

Sex

What a word. When you hear the S word as my little kids say, what comes to mind?

Before I got married sex was the only thing on my mind. I wanted it so bad with Grumps. We were saving ourselves for each other. It was the big fat elephant sitting in the room.

When we got married it still was the big elephant in the room. Sex didn't come as easily as I thought that it would. It had nothing to do with Grumps. It was me. It was the demands I had put on myself. I regret having my own mind hang ups.

As we grew into each other with each year sex became a nice habit. We knew what to do and when to do it. It wasn't always spontaneous. It was more scheduled but it was there.

When we began trying for our baby sex totally changed. Foreplay was out the window. It was WAY scheduled. It was done with a purpose and plan.

After a couple of years had passed and our goal seemed even further away, sex was all work and no play. We had it done to a T. Romance was lost. It became something that I dreaded.

Being menopausal made sex something in the far off distance. Poor Grumps went from having sex ALL the time to never having it. I enjoyed the break from the work. I even believe that Grumps enjoyed the nice break.

Now that we are back trying again, the work is back. I now see that I have created a really bad problem. I have let it become work. I have let it become NO FUN! Now Grumps expects the usual sex. I want more. I want to go back and make it fun even though it is with that same goal as before.

HOW? So I told Grumps, "Tomorrow night, you have a job to do. You are to seduce me and forget about you." "You have homework!"

We shall see. I hate putting pressure on him but I need more. I am so affected by everything when it comes time to do the deed. I know that I have to clear my own head before we even begin. I just wish sex could go back to the comfortable and easy way.

I think I just need to cuddle. Grumps is going to hate that!

2 comments:

Jennie said...

I'm so with you on this one, sex was something that went from fun to work to something from a dim dark past....

ok forget deep and meaningful and just have a couple of glasses of a nice red and go jump his bones when he least expects it

Sunny said...

I know that is what I did the last time we had a good time. I had a bottle of wine and then just jumped him. :) That was my Valentine plans but I had too much wine and fell asleep. HA!