Baby Shower, Lubricants, and Food

I had a baby shower to go to yesterday. I was torn about going. I wanted to go but you know the drill. My friend had a miscarriage before mine. I knew that she understood one way or another. In the end I decided to go. I really wasn't worried about the gift time. That is the part I usually hate. I wasn't worried about the oohing and ahhing that always goes one. I was worried about being the only not pregnant or without children. It happens sometimes. During those showers the conversations are ALWAYS about their babies or children. I think I would have died. Thank God it didn't happen like that. But I decided that the only way an infertile can go to a baby shower is LOOKING HOT! All eyes are on you thinking, WOW she looks so good. If I don't have a child at least I can still dress nice. HA! I refused to look frumpy and people think, Oh poor Sunny, she is infertile. NOPE I didn't give them that chance.

Don't you like how my title has the word lubricants in it? HA! Here's the story. Being an infertile every chance we have that very romantic moment between the sheets with our husbands (okay I am trying to make it sound better than every time we have business sex) it could be the chance we get pregnant. So no lubricants can be used. Either we work hard to make our own OR we just sandpaper it and make it quick. Since we are going to Jamaica, the IUI is done, I am in the 2ww I decided that we need some lubes! I am sure we have some at home but I also don't know how old the stuff is. It has been a LONG time since it was used. Okay sorry for the long build up. I was in Target and decided that just a little tube would be perfect. I get the the protection aisle and there are 5 teenage boys there. They had no clue what to buy. They were laughing and nervous. One would say, "Get this one." The other would say, "No this one looks like fun." The boy that was buying them would just say, "Guys I don't have a clue." This went on for a good 5 minutes. I didn't want to embarrass them or bother them so I roamed all the other aisles but everyone could hear them. Finally after I walked until my feet hurt I almost went to help them. I was going to say, "Just get the regular ones. They are cheaper and work just fine." But by the time I got there they had left. I grabbed my little spray lube and laughed all the way to the counter. I couldn't wait to blog about that moment.

Finally I was so bad yesterday. Okay wait, I went to Whole Foods and bought all kinds of health pills to help me get over Mono. My mom gave me a list of things I needed to get healthy. So I had a bag of health in my car but decided to stop at McDonald's to get a snack wrap and fries. I NEVER eat there but it was calling my name. DON'T get the snack wrap. A waste of money. DO get a medium fry!!! THEN I ate chips and dip along with some candy and the health stuff. What is my problem? I should be feeding my body wonderful things but instead in goes crap!

Oh one more thing, I hate labeling. I am not a control freak. It actually stresses me out but since I started I have to continue. Don't ask me why but I just have to. I just needed to let you all know how much I hate them!

One more sleep until Jamaica!!!

Heart Time

Grumps and I had wonderful heart time tonight. We ate on the deck and enjoyed the weather, food and wine.

We talked about heart matters. We talked about infertility, me getting pregnant, sharing with others, heartache, you name it. It felt good to share and not be afraid.

Grumps listened. He added his ten cents. We connected.

It felt so good.

If sex hadn't been so on demand last week I would have actually been in the mood!

FINALLY!!!

It is finally up! uP! UP!!!

Let's just hope it stays up for the next 3 days and produce a BIG FAT POSITIVE!

We did the deed. Ummm let's just say it wasn't my best performance! In fact I hated every second of it. The entire time I was laughing in my head thinking that if we do get pregnant on this try I will tell them when they are older how it just SUCKED!

Here is the thing, it drives me nuts to hear Grumps complain about doing the baby dance again. Um I do believe he gets a happy finish everytime. Yes, I know that it is hard but seriously, he just has to look and touch and do. I have to lay and lay and lay. THEN when we are all done I ask for some toilet paper and he yells back at me from the bathroom that I should have got it before and been prepared.

I was like, "No he didn't!"

So let's all cross ourselves, pray, throw babydust, do the dance, WHATEVER!!!! I want this temp to stay up up and away!

Thanks for riding this ride with me!

Busting Ovaries

Still no jump in the temp.

Still no ovulation.

Still unhappy about it all!

All night it felt as if my ovaries were going to bust. They feel so full. I wish I could make it all go away.

I guess we will be baby making again today.

Talk

Today and I guess yesterday I really talked 'pregnant talk' with the pregnant girl on my team. I guess I have moved on a bit or at least disconnected myself with it all.

She is at 16weeks and really isn't showing. She is still wearing her old clothes. Today I saw her belly do a little pop at the end of the day but still. I look bigger than she does. At 8 weeks I really looked bigger and I am not that big. She is not that little either.

She is all worried. I tried to calm her fears. Of course bad thoughts were running through my head. SO BAD! She goes in for a check up next week. I thought it was for today. I told her this morning that I was praying for her. She has been on my mind. I would hate for her to have to go through a miscarriage. It truly is hell.

She wouldn't shut up about being pregnant and all that jazz today. She kept saying, "You know what I mean." Then she all of a sudden realized my situation. She knew it before but it finally hit. She felt awful. She kept apologizing. I told her that there wasn't a need for that. I was in a good place. Of course afterwards, while at home feeling sorry for myself, I hated her.

It is just really weird talking about what it feels like being pregnant when I am not anymore. Weird.

*Oh Grumps and I did the deed this weekend. It was good ole drunk sex. I was positive that Aunt Flow was on her way. Guess what? I oed the next day. WHAT THE HECK? Fingers crossed all is well no matter the outcome in a couple of weeks. Trying not to worry.

The Charting Game

I am back from my travels for awhile. I am very glad to be home. Not having alone time just about kills me. I have to work very hard to stay a nice person.

Now that I am back home I am playing the charting game. Have any of you played this game before? I check my temperature every morning and then plug it in to my chart on Fertility Friend. I then sit back and watch. I have ovulated FINALLY!!! Now I am in the 2 week wait. I am just shocked because my temperature is still up and today I should have started my period. Yes, you heard that right. Usually it does a nice little drop.

My hopes are trying very hard to stay under control. We didn't really optimize our baby making time this month. I feel Aunt Flow creeping up on me. My boobs also feel broken.

I HATE this stupid game~! I try very hard not to talk about it with others. It is like as soon as I speak my hopes or fears out loud during the this game time, the game ends with Aunt Flow. Tomorrow will be the big day. If my temperature is still up I will test. I am trying very hard to keep my mind off the game today.

I Want to Be Naughty!

My Favorite Toy

Yes, I said toy. I know, really bad. BUT it makes doing the deed the best EVER!

I discovered this little pleasure while buying different things on drugstore.com. I needed to spend a little more money for free shipping. I saw this little toy and couldn't resist.

Of course Grumps freaked as usual. But it isn't for him, but for me. I know that this is a little much for a blog BUT I decided that we all need a little help in this department. Especially those of us struggling with trying to conceive.

If you need a little more THIS is the toy for you!!!!

Trying To Conceive Woes

Man, does it ever hurt without lubricant.

I think I need an ice pack now!

Sex

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Back in the Saddle Again

We are back in the saddle again.

Man it was a rough ride tonight!!!

I have a lot of breaking in to do.

I hope the rides start to go smoother real quick!

Package

Dr. Anita Lay has arrived at my door today in a package!

Grumps told me that he needed his vitals checked!

I told him that he will have to just wait!

2 more weeks!

Homerun!

This morning was spent searching for some good lingerie.

Less than 3 more weeks! I need something to give me the nerve to...

I am not happy that one site just won't work. I found the best "outfit" that there is.

Oh well....

I don't think it will take much!

Almost a bottle of wine and we already made a HOMERUN!

You would be so proud!

You would be so proud of me! I was actually naughty with Grumps last night! I feel so much better about myself!

It must be the added hormones! I love hormone replacement therapy!