My Big Ones

Oh it is so much fun being a teacher. Today a mom of a previous student stared me down on my way into the lunch room. I knew what she was thinking. "Is she pregnant?" We waved and I quickly moved on. This is the lady who gave me a fertility book saying it would bring me good luck.

During the class bathroom break she hunted me down. You won't believe what came out of her mouth. It really makes me laugh just thinking about it. She moved in really close and said, "MAN your BOOBS are HUGE! Is there something you want to tell me?" I am surrounded by little 7 year olds. I want to laugh my head off. Instead I say, "It's the hormones. We are still trying." My favorite response EVER comes next. "I have a flutter and goosebumps. It is going to happen. I feel it." She then kisses me on the cheek and whispers how she will pray.

I LOVE how all big things in life happen because of a flutter and goosebumps. I must have missed that a long time ago. HAHAHAHHA!

Home and Fluffy

We have been back from our vacation for a few days now. We had a wonderful time. Grumps worked hard to plan a wonderful trip full of good food and great places to rest our heads. We reconnected in just being together. Life couldn't get in the way.

Now being back home the ivf and back to school countdown has begun. It looks like both will be right there with each other. I am praying my body doesn't take too long to respond. I can't miss the first day of school. I really can't miss any days of the first week. It all has to just run VERY smoothly. I am laughing though deep inside. When do things run smoothly for me? Of course my retrieval would be on the open house day. Of course my transfer could be the first day of school. That is how my world works.

My other 'issue'... raise your hand if treatments have caused you to gain weight. A lot? I am out of control large. It makes me sad. My boobs are HUGE! My body just feeds on these drugs. I am at the point I could rest my chin on my girls. I can't do a thing about any of it until I am done with these stupid drugs. Please tell me I am not the only one? PLEASE!!!!

The word has been spread to the mouths of my school. I might look pregnant but I am for sure not. They have my permission to tell everyone.

So I am serious about my question. Did you gain weight? How much in total? Did your body love the drugs? I don't want to hear about how thin you were through it all. I don't want to hear about how you exercised and ate healthy. Now it is time to chime in!!!

Baby Shower, Lubricants, and Food

I had a baby shower to go to yesterday. I was torn about going. I wanted to go but you know the drill. My friend had a miscarriage before mine. I knew that she understood one way or another. In the end I decided to go. I really wasn't worried about the gift time. That is the part I usually hate. I wasn't worried about the oohing and ahhing that always goes one. I was worried about being the only not pregnant or without children. It happens sometimes. During those showers the conversations are ALWAYS about their babies or children. I think I would have died. Thank God it didn't happen like that. But I decided that the only way an infertile can go to a baby shower is LOOKING HOT! All eyes are on you thinking, WOW she looks so good. If I don't have a child at least I can still dress nice. HA! I refused to look frumpy and people think, Oh poor Sunny, she is infertile. NOPE I didn't give them that chance.

Don't you like how my title has the word lubricants in it? HA! Here's the story. Being an infertile every chance we have that very romantic moment between the sheets with our husbands (okay I am trying to make it sound better than every time we have business sex) it could be the chance we get pregnant. So no lubricants can be used. Either we work hard to make our own OR we just sandpaper it and make it quick. Since we are going to Jamaica, the IUI is done, I am in the 2ww I decided that we need some lubes! I am sure we have some at home but I also don't know how old the stuff is. It has been a LONG time since it was used. Okay sorry for the long build up. I was in Target and decided that just a little tube would be perfect. I get the the protection aisle and there are 5 teenage boys there. They had no clue what to buy. They were laughing and nervous. One would say, "Get this one." The other would say, "No this one looks like fun." The boy that was buying them would just say, "Guys I don't have a clue." This went on for a good 5 minutes. I didn't want to embarrass them or bother them so I roamed all the other aisles but everyone could hear them. Finally after I walked until my feet hurt I almost went to help them. I was going to say, "Just get the regular ones. They are cheaper and work just fine." But by the time I got there they had left. I grabbed my little spray lube and laughed all the way to the counter. I couldn't wait to blog about that moment.

Finally I was so bad yesterday. Okay wait, I went to Whole Foods and bought all kinds of health pills to help me get over Mono. My mom gave me a list of things I needed to get healthy. So I had a bag of health in my car but decided to stop at McDonald's to get a snack wrap and fries. I NEVER eat there but it was calling my name. DON'T get the snack wrap. A waste of money. DO get a medium fry!!! THEN I ate chips and dip along with some candy and the health stuff. What is my problem? I should be feeding my body wonderful things but instead in goes crap!

Oh one more thing, I hate labeling. I am not a control freak. It actually stresses me out but since I started I have to continue. Don't ask me why but I just have to. I just needed to let you all know how much I hate them!

One more sleep until Jamaica!!!

Please STOP ME!!!

I have been doing so well with my eating and losing and looking good. The ice and snow hit and it all turned to crap. I tried to pull it together but stress is hitting in and a very small bit of worry is setting in.

I see chocolate and I have to have a bite. Cookies are getting devored. I HATE GIRL SCOUTS!!! The Samoas are going to kill me.

I CAN'T STOP!!!

My body was supposed to be just AMAZING for Jamaica in 4 weeks. Ummmm at the rate I am going I will double me by then.

I think I need to start therapy!