Kyle XY

It has been awhile. Once again I find myself exhausted when I get home. Teaching and waddling along takes lots of energy.

Back to my title... If you have watched Kyle XY you will know Kyle is missing something on his body. Any guesses? Yep, his belly button. Mine is GONE! I rubbed my belly today and it felt weird. I then realized I didn't have a belly button anymore. It made me laugh and then made me make everyone around me feel. I know soon it will pop out in a very scary way especially since I am on 23 weeks.

This past week would have been my angels birthday. Healing has taken place because I didn't remember the day. I actually had to go back through my blog to find it. I knew the week but not the day. Each day as I felt these little lives move I thought of my sweet angel baby. 'She' would have been 2. Still breaks my heart. BUT I am pretty sure if we had our little one we wouldn't be having these two miracles. It is just hard all around. The bottom line, I am blessed.

I have my first shower on Friday. I NEVER thought it would be my time. I actually feel guilty and scared about it all. I know MANY who deserve this more. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself I am pregnant. This is real. I still can't wrap my mind around it. Along with the fear of the shower, the nursery is up and under construction. Baby clothes are coming in. I got the bedding in yesterday. One day little ones will be living in there. I can barely go in the room. I am totally whacked!

Back to the belly... I can't wait for warmer weather so I can start wearing dresses. My clothes are starting to get small again. This belly is taking over. I don't remember life without it. I might waddle. My clothes might be limited. But I am in love with this belly and the life that lives inside.

We are having....

We found out. I never thought I would cave like that. I always wanted the surprise from the doctor holding up our little one say "You are having a ..." I couldn't resist. It would have been hard to not SEE one of our little ones anyway. It was right there in our face.

Not only do we know what we are having, I am feeling these little ones moving. Thump thump thump on my right side. Grumps got his turn too. I LOVE it! At one moment yesterday one of them moved and I could feel a nice hard lump. So precious to feel life!

I am feeling so much better these days. Week 20 is on Wednesday and I am growing like crazy. I can't hide I am pregnant anymore. My 2nd graders are still amazed by it all. Always wanting to put a hand on my belly and even wanting to see my belly button.

The cribs are on their way. The dresser is ordered. The bedding... I can't decide. I have plenty of time but I would LOVE to have this decision made. Everyone wants to know about names. We have none. They will come.

So are you ready to know what we are having?

A BOY

and

A GIRL!

Their little profiles show just how precious they are. I am in LOVE!

Sharing with Kids

Everyone and their brother knows we are pregnant. It has been fun sharing. But I had been keeping it a secret from my class of second graders. I wanted to wait to tell them after my big u/s. As the days went by I realized it was getting harder to do.

Students: Are you having a baby?
Me: Why?
Students: I don't know. Are you?
Me: I don't know. Am I?

Look of fright not knowing how to answer that.

Students: I don't know... silence.

Grumps said I was being mean keeping it a secret when they know something is going on. So I shared with them last week. They were and still are so cute about it.

Me: Have you guys noticed anything different about me lately?
Students: Ummm you are calmer.
(That would be me being tired. HA!~)
Students: You are more strict.
(hormones and me being tired.)
Me: How about how I look? Do I look fatter?
Students: YES and you are eating SO MUCH!

Now it gets to the part where hands go up everywhere. Some have huge grins on their faces. They have figured out the secret and just needed me to confirm it.

Student: YOU ARE PREGNANT!

Cheers go up all around the room.

Me: Yes and with twins.

They couldn't contain themselves. They had to touch my belly and ask questions. We talked about everything that was appropriate and even some things that weren't. Dead babies even came up. My little ones will know way more about being pregnant than most. One girl tried to explain how the babies lived in a bubble. The next day I showed them a picture of both the babies together. The first words were, IT IS A BUBBLE!

They check on my eating, making sure I am being healthy. I hold their little hands so still on my belly. They are in shock at how hard it is. They also look every day to see if it is growing. It really is so sweet.

Now I can't wait to share with them what we are having. They are already starting a list of possible names. HA!

Twin Registery

Calling all twin moms (really anyone)!

Tell me your musts and must nots for your babies. I know everyone has their own preference and opinions. But what have you learned? Strollers? Tips?

I have been searching message boards and websites to get thoughts. Now it is your turn!

Grab My Belly and Waddle

Here's a little fast catch up!

I have started to feel the babies move. Not as often as I would like but there are little rolls and pops and moves. This weekend I swear I felt a flick like a kick. I am ready to feel them more. It puts my mind at ease. I have been feeling overwhelmed. I have to work hard to keep my thoughts positive.

On the weekends I don't leave my bed much. The week at work is a killer. This is where the belly and waddle comes into play. I have found on the weekend I feel great. Rested, comfortable. Sleep is even good, especially since I crash so early. During the week it is the opposite. With all the walking I do things hurt, and cause major pressure. I find myself waddling. Everyone laughs and reminds me how early it is. There is nothing I can do about it. I am a teacher. I walk. In my classroom I sit but to get the kids from one place to the next I have to walk. I noticed it last night. I haven't had pressure since I have stayed in bed all weekend. Grumps went out last night so I found myself going up and down the stairs a lot. By the end of the evening the pressure was back. Too many stairs.

I started my twin registry. OVERWHELMING!!! I still haven't decided on cribs. The secret reason, afraid I will get back news at my next appointment (today) or at our big u/s (next week). My first shower is the last Friday of March. OH MY!

I am tired of the 8 baby jokes I hear at work EVERY DAY~

I started purging my house but am not even close.

My belly is getting big (18 weeks on Wed.). It isn't huge but it is there.

I guess I could go on and on but will stop. I actually have some posts working in my head that I plan to type up. I will hold them throughout the week so you aren't bombarded with 4 in one day.

Moving Foward in Faith

Every day my thoughts begin with a rub and a prayer... These babies will LIVE to declare the works of the Lord. Then I take a moment to just breathe. Then as the day goes on thoughts go to the what ifs. It is a very hard balance.

I went 'shopping' this weekend with D. Looking at cribs, bedding, you name it. The last time I had walked into that store was right before we lost our little angel to heaven. What an overwhelming moment and day. I got home exhausted. Nothing was purchased but ideas began. Before I left to shop I asked Grumps if I could buy the cribs if I found them. His reply, "I guess we could return them if something happened." Grumps is feeling it too.

We have had to just move forward in faith. God has this in HIS HANDS! I can't doubt. I can't be moved. We have to hold steady. When we finally talked about it all, Grumps seemed to begin to connect with the reality. He even brought up some name ideas. It felt good.

Tonight I made my first purchase. We don't have cute little names for our twins. We call them baby a and baby b. So lame BUT in our lameness I felt onesies that say just that, Baby A and Baby B. I can't wait to get the little package in the mail.

I am truly over the moon with these little miracles. Yes I am blah at times. Pregnancy is tough. But I KNOW it will be so worth it in the end.

The Real Truth

I know, it has been a long time again between posts. No excuse except nothing worth blogging about. Life is normal as normal gets.

Now onto my title. The Real Truth... You know before you get pregnant you listen to your friends talk about being tired, feeling yucky, having things stretch... You read books and they say the same things. Well lets be truthful.

*Tired is an understatement. You are a walking zombie. I never knew what tired meant. Yes I am not as tired but it still hits. When it hits there is nothing you can do but rest.

*The yucks SUCK! Nothing sounds good. Food is gross. It even seems like it will not stay down. Smells are gross. Nothing helps really. Also the yucks don't go away. They come and go. One day I eat and feel happy with food. The next day I can't make myself eat. Now headaches trigger the yucks.

*What do you think when you hear the word stretching? Yep I hear relief, comfort, stretch. When you are pregnant the word stretch really means hurt. It is crazy. Babies are growing and filling up a very small space. As they do it hurts. It hurts low. It hurts high. Even my girl hurts. Getting out of bed hurts. Rolling over hurts. It isn't bad but seriously, lets not use the word stretch but pain. Even today, I simply sneezed and yep I am not hurting all day.

I love being pregnant. I really do. I love watching my belly finally pop. I love lying on my belly and seeing where they have moved to once place. BUT lets be truthful. When I asked my mom about my girl hurting she told me "Yep, that is part of it but it is just something you shouldn't talk aobut." I disagree. You need to know there are muscles on your girl that stretch and truly hurt.

***We find out the genders in a month. OH MY it is becoming real.

Don't Hate Me!

Every day I think about posting an update. There have even been times I actually open blogger. Here is the reason why... TIRED! I get up TIRED! I go to work TIRED! I come home EXHAUSTED! I quickly check email and facebook and then close up for the evening.

I don't think I have ever felt like this before in my life. You think when you go to bed you are in heaven. Bed is the best place ever. Of course I wake up a million times in the night but still get many hours of sleep. When I wake up I hope to feel that rested feeling. Nope, it is the feeling of never sleeping. So my lack of posting has nothing to do with anything but being so tired.

Today I am at 12 weeks. PRAISE GOD! I live for Wednesdays! My belly has popped just a little bit. I thought I would be much bigger but because food wasn't my friend I lost weight. The babies are beyond perfect. I have seen their little selves many times. I have more pictures than I know what to do with. I am not complaining. I love every one of them.

I daily pray for my little ones to LIVE LIVE LIVE! Over the weekend I had some bleeding and eventually passed a clot. I could not let my thoughts go to any place but LIFE! After 3 u/s they little ones are still perfect.

Thanks for the emails and sweet thoughts. Your prayers are also greatly appreciated. We live every day with awe and amazement. We are beyond blessed!

The NEWS

I have GOOD NEWS!!!!

We are having twins with perfect strong heartbeats!  God is beyond amazing today!  Grumps was and still is in complete awe.  

THANK YOU for the encouragement, thoughts and prayers.  Please don't stop!!!

On the Eve

No words but please God don't let it be like our last pregnancy ultra sound. I can't bare to have another moment of complete silence from the doctor looking for life. I can't have the swimming through water, not being able to breathe moment. I can't have the world standing still, Grumps trying to console and me falling apart. I NEED to see life!

I hate how my world is tainted. I hate how it has been touched with death and wait and uncertainty before. Why can't the world be roses?

I live for a pregnancy sign. I live for feeling sick. I smile when I feel puky. I cheer when I can't eat another bite. No complaining. I need those moments.

Tomorrow I HAVE to see life! God you have to hold me tight. It has to be okay.

My BIG Secret

I have been pretty quiet this cycle. I haven't talked about it much with anyone. We felt like this one could be the last one. Of course when Grumps said that the track began to play again, CHILDLESS! So I held everything pretty close.

The day of my transfer (November 3rd) I drove myself. I spent LOTS of time in prayer and singing praise. I needed to find peace with it all. Because my little ones were growing slow, only one was really good, we decided to transfer 4. My doctor only expected 2 at the most to make it.

Fast forward to today! Today I had my 2nd beta. Yep you heard it right! I AM PREGNANT!!! It truly is a miracle. My first beta numbers were 2,599. Today they doubled perfectly. I go on Monday for my 3rd beta.

Grumps and I are cautiously excited. Today's results made it easier to breathe. I am telling those who ask or who were a part of it all. My mom knows because I was with her over the weekend when I tested. Other than that, we are keeping quiet as best as we can. I want to shout but really want to hold it close.

Now you have something to pray about. LIFE!!!!

Pregnancy Symptoms

Now that I am so far in this first trimester (HA! the journey is only beginning), I thought I would give you a run down of how I am feeling.

I am feeling GREAT!!!!

My biggest complaint would be my broken boobs. I swear that they are broken. I also believe that they have grown and turned into bricks. They are so heavy and hard that I wake up in the night hurting from laying on them. Hugs are a no no and so is Itsy sitting on my chest. My greatest fear about my body and this pregnancy is that my boobs will get so big that you will only see them and never my belly. My mom jokes that Grumps will have to walk beside me and hold them up. God and I had a moment last night. I begged Him to keep them at a normal size. Right now I am on the edge of normal and HUGE!!! I know, that is a vain request, but seriously who wants to buy a bra in a letter at the end of the ABC's?

I am tired. I just want to lay around in bed. Which I have been doing since my family left. I even took a very short nap yesterday.

HUNGRY ALL THE TIME!!! I could eat this house if I would let myself. I eat and get full. An hour later I am ready to eat again. But you would all be very proud of me. I have been eating veggies and fruit more than anything else. I know many woman take on the idea that you can eat anything you want while you are pregnant. That might be true for some, BUT I have a feeling if I do that, I will be a HOUSE by the end of it all.

Here is Grumps' thoughts on my hunger and desire to eat:

"Sunny, when I get hungry like I am going to die, I just don't give in to it. I hold that hungry over until dinner time. You don't need to eat an hour before dinner. You can have some self control"

Here was my response:

"GRUMPS, WHO HAS THE BABY GROWING IN THEIR BELLY? WHO HAS A PLACENTA GROWING AND FLUID BUILDING? WHO HAS A BABY WITH ORGANS FORMING AND ARMS AND LEGS GROWING? I DON'T THINK IT IS YOU!"

Needless to say, I got out my pregnancy book that I just bought and showed him pictures. He was shocked. I then read to him about the need to eat and the hunger that will drive you nuts. He shut up after that. :)

I am having NO morning sickness or afternoon sickness or evening sickness. I am sure it could come since I am still very early but as of right now I feel great. I do get that blah feeling sometimes but I eat something small and drink a big glass of water. Water is my friend since wine left me a few weeks ago.

Lastly I think I am getting bigger. I don't want to yet. It is very early but my clothes are uncomfortable. It didn't help that my clothes were beginning to get that way before this little decided to move in. But this is where Grumps is super sweet. A few times a day, Grumps lifts my shirt and stares at my belly. He says, "Is it getting bigger yet?" Then he smiles. Yesterday he lifted my shirt and said, "Wow, I really think it is getting bigger! Your belly is growing! I can see it!" I am ready for the belly but really don't care for the "I am pregnant but look fat" stage!

Fingers crossed that feeling GREAT will last a LONG TIME!

*D this picture is for you!