Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Bring Back that Loving Feeling

It's gone gone gone, whoohooohoooo.....

I guess it is more of that normal feeling. Yes, we have talked about this before but it seems that I am just having issues. I just don't feel like me anymore. I am working hard to bring it back.

I am taking a mental health day from work.

I actually semi cooked dinner last night.

I did a little reading.

I have been listening to uplifting music.

I made a doctor's appointment.

My question is, how do you make yourself feel like yourself? HA! Seriously. I haven't a clue. I have been working hard not to let my mind slip to those dreaded thoughts of emptiness. I have tried to just keep my mind busy. I have done a lot of praying. Not just for me but for others. It just doesn't seem to be working the way that I want it too. Grumps is helpless. He just stands by and stares at me. He tries to just keep life moving.

It's funny the things you do to make yourself feel better. Yesterday I really wanted to make a dump cake. (They always help you when you are in the dumps.) But I knew that it would only make my butt jiggle more. So I cooked dinner and decided to make homemade rolls. The smell is so comforting. I also picked the dead flowers off my plant. HA! Sounds crazy but it was like therapy for me. Get read of the dead so the new can grow. Kind of like me. Get rid of the yuck so I can be me again.

What I did learn is that it takes time. I have a Gardenia plant that is slowly blooming. I mean, VERY SLOW. I have two flowers right now with many more buds that just aren't doing much. Last year my plant bloomed almost all at once. This year it just taking it's precious time. That is my life this year. It is just taking it's precious time.

BUT I am ready for that normal feeling to show up any day now!