Monday, September 07, 2009

New Blog

Its time for a new blog to go with my new life! Thanks Amber!

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The Real Truth

It has been such a long time since I have blogged. I have wanted to blog but my world is... it has been hard.

The babies are totally the easy part. They stick to their little schedules. No crying. Just sleeping, pooping, feeding. The rest of my life has been messed up.

The real truth is, my husband has been having an affair since January. He came clean in April right before I went on bedrest. I kicked him out but he came back quickly wanting to change. Of course I trusted him. After the babies were born and home the truth came out again. He had never stopped seeing her. I kicked him out again. He lived on his own for a month and realized how much he wanted his life to be with me and the babies. I wanted it to work too. He started getting help and I really thought it would work. This past week he started second guessing his decision. Then the truth came out again. He was in contact with her and had been with her. IT IS OVER!

He says he can't live without her. Well I can live without him. My heart breaks for my little ones. He took them last night for two nights. They are playing house now.

Maybe now everything is out in the open I can enjoy blogging again. Who knows... My life will never be the same. 11 years of marriage are gone forever.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Family of 4 + a dog

WOW time has past so quickly since I last blogged. SO much has happened.

*Quit my job at 28 weeks. My little man never moved off my cervix. Talk about PRESSURE!
*Ended up on hospital bedrest at 28 weeks. Yep the day after I quit my job. No nesting at home or getting a pedicure.
*5 1/2 weeks of bedrest... I know, I should have blogged but my brain was mush the whole time.
*33 1/2 weeks I woke up drunk off ambien at 1:20 in the morning with wet sheets. My water had broken. I was so drunk I almost didn't call Grumps BUT I at least changed my facebook status! at 3:54 and 3:55 am my little loves were born.
*Welcome to the world Grace and Stephen. Grace stayed in the NICU for 3 weeks. Stephen just arrived home after a month on Friday.

NOW we are a family of 4 with a dog who can't get enough licks.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Kyle XY

It has been awhile. Once again I find myself exhausted when I get home. Teaching and waddling along takes lots of energy.

Back to my title... If you have watched Kyle XY you will know Kyle is missing something on his body. Any guesses? Yep, his belly button. Mine is GONE! I rubbed my belly today and it felt weird. I then realized I didn't have a belly button anymore. It made me laugh and then made me make everyone around me feel. I know soon it will pop out in a very scary way especially since I am on 23 weeks.

This past week would have been my angels birthday. Healing has taken place because I didn't remember the day. I actually had to go back through my blog to find it. I knew the week but not the day. Each day as I felt these little lives move I thought of my sweet angel baby. 'She' would have been 2. Still breaks my heart. BUT I am pretty sure if we had our little one we wouldn't be having these two miracles. It is just hard all around. The bottom line, I am blessed.

I have my first shower on Friday. I NEVER thought it would be my time. I actually feel guilty and scared about it all. I know MANY who deserve this more. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself I am pregnant. This is real. I still can't wrap my mind around it. Along with the fear of the shower, the nursery is up and under construction. Baby clothes are coming in. I got the bedding in yesterday. One day little ones will be living in there. I can barely go in the room. I am totally whacked!

Back to the belly... I can't wait for warmer weather so I can start wearing dresses. My clothes are starting to get small again. This belly is taking over. I don't remember life without it. I might waddle. My clothes might be limited. But I am in love with this belly and the life that lives inside.

Monday, March 02, 2009

We are having....

We found out. I never thought I would cave like that. I always wanted the surprise from the doctor holding up our little one say "You are having a ..." I couldn't resist. It would have been hard to not SEE one of our little ones anyway. It was right there in our face.

Not only do we know what we are having, I am feeling these little ones moving. Thump thump thump on my right side. Grumps got his turn too. I LOVE it! At one moment yesterday one of them moved and I could feel a nice hard lump. So precious to feel life!

I am feeling so much better these days. Week 20 is on Wednesday and I am growing like crazy. I can't hide I am pregnant anymore. My 2nd graders are still amazed by it all. Always wanting to put a hand on my belly and even wanting to see my belly button.

The cribs are on their way. The dresser is ordered. The bedding... I can't decide. I have plenty of time but I would LOVE to have this decision made. Everyone wants to know about names. We have none. They will come.

So are you ready to know what we are having?




Their little profiles show just how precious they are. I am in LOVE!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sharing with Kids

Everyone and their brother knows we are pregnant. It has been fun sharing. But I had been keeping it a secret from my class of second graders. I wanted to wait to tell them after my big u/s. As the days went by I realized it was getting harder to do.

Students: Are you having a baby?
Me: Why?
Students: I don't know. Are you?
Me: I don't know. Am I?

Look of fright not knowing how to answer that.

Students: I don't know... silence.

Grumps said I was being mean keeping it a secret when they know something is going on. So I shared with them last week. They were and still are so cute about it.

Me: Have you guys noticed anything different about me lately?
Students: Ummm you are calmer.
(That would be me being tired. HA!~)
Students: You are more strict.
(hormones and me being tired.)
Me: How about how I look? Do I look fatter?
Students: YES and you are eating SO MUCH!

Now it gets to the part where hands go up everywhere. Some have huge grins on their faces. They have figured out the secret and just needed me to confirm it.


Cheers go up all around the room.

Me: Yes and with twins.

They couldn't contain themselves. They had to touch my belly and ask questions. We talked about everything that was appropriate and even some things that weren't. Dead babies even came up. My little ones will know way more about being pregnant than most. One girl tried to explain how the babies lived in a bubble. The next day I showed them a picture of both the babies together. The first words were, IT IS A BUBBLE!

They check on my eating, making sure I am being healthy. I hold their little hands so still on my belly. They are in shock at how hard it is. They also look every day to see if it is growing. It really is so sweet.

Now I can't wait to share with them what we are having. They are already starting a list of possible names. HA!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Twin Registery

Calling all twin moms (really anyone)!

Tell me your musts and must nots for your babies. I know everyone has their own preference and opinions. But what have you learned? Strollers? Tips?

I have been searching message boards and websites to get thoughts. Now it is your turn!

Grab My Belly and Waddle

Here's a little fast catch up!

I have started to feel the babies move. Not as often as I would like but there are little rolls and pops and moves. This weekend I swear I felt a flick like a kick. I am ready to feel them more. It puts my mind at ease. I have been feeling overwhelmed. I have to work hard to keep my thoughts positive.

On the weekends I don't leave my bed much. The week at work is a killer. This is where the belly and waddle comes into play. I have found on the weekend I feel great. Rested, comfortable. Sleep is even good, especially since I crash so early. During the week it is the opposite. With all the walking I do things hurt, and cause major pressure. I find myself waddling. Everyone laughs and reminds me how early it is. There is nothing I can do about it. I am a teacher. I walk. In my classroom I sit but to get the kids from one place to the next I have to walk. I noticed it last night. I haven't had pressure since I have stayed in bed all weekend. Grumps went out last night so I found myself going up and down the stairs a lot. By the end of the evening the pressure was back. Too many stairs.

I started my twin registry. OVERWHELMING!!! I still haven't decided on cribs. The secret reason, afraid I will get back news at my next appointment (today) or at our big u/s (next week). My first shower is the last Friday of March. OH MY!

I am tired of the 8 baby jokes I hear at work EVERY DAY~

I started purging my house but am not even close.

My belly is getting big (18 weeks on Wed.). It isn't huge but it is there.

I guess I could go on and on but will stop. I actually have some posts working in my head that I plan to type up. I will hold them throughout the week so you aren't bombarded with 4 in one day.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Moving Foward in Faith

Every day my thoughts begin with a rub and a prayer... These babies will LIVE to declare the works of the Lord. Then I take a moment to just breathe. Then as the day goes on thoughts go to the what ifs. It is a very hard balance.

I went 'shopping' this weekend with D. Looking at cribs, bedding, you name it. The last time I had walked into that store was right before we lost our little angel to heaven. What an overwhelming moment and day. I got home exhausted. Nothing was purchased but ideas began. Before I left to shop I asked Grumps if I could buy the cribs if I found them. His reply, "I guess we could return them if something happened." Grumps is feeling it too.

We have had to just move forward in faith. God has this in HIS HANDS! I can't doubt. I can't be moved. We have to hold steady. When we finally talked about it all, Grumps seemed to begin to connect with the reality. He even brought up some name ideas. It felt good.

Tonight I made my first purchase. We don't have cute little names for our twins. We call them baby a and baby b. So lame BUT in our lameness I felt onesies that say just that, Baby A and Baby B. I can't wait to get the little package in the mail.

I am truly over the moon with these little miracles. Yes I am blah at times. Pregnancy is tough. But I KNOW it will be so worth it in the end.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Real Truth

I know, it has been a long time again between posts. No excuse except nothing worth blogging about. Life is normal as normal gets.

Now onto my title. The Real Truth... You know before you get pregnant you listen to your friends talk about being tired, feeling yucky, having things stretch... You read books and they say the same things. Well lets be truthful.

*Tired is an understatement. You are a walking zombie. I never knew what tired meant. Yes I am not as tired but it still hits. When it hits there is nothing you can do but rest.

*The yucks SUCK! Nothing sounds good. Food is gross. It even seems like it will not stay down. Smells are gross. Nothing helps really. Also the yucks don't go away. They come and go. One day I eat and feel happy with food. The next day I can't make myself eat. Now headaches trigger the yucks.

*What do you think when you hear the word stretching? Yep I hear relief, comfort, stretch. When you are pregnant the word stretch really means hurt. It is crazy. Babies are growing and filling up a very small space. As they do it hurts. It hurts low. It hurts high. Even my girl hurts. Getting out of bed hurts. Rolling over hurts. It isn't bad but seriously, lets not use the word stretch but pain. Even today, I simply sneezed and yep I am not hurting all day.

I love being pregnant. I really do. I love watching my belly finally pop. I love lying on my belly and seeing where they have moved to once place. BUT lets be truthful. When I asked my mom about my girl hurting she told me "Yep, that is part of it but it is just something you shouldn't talk aobut." I disagree. You need to know there are muscles on your girl that stretch and truly hurt.

***We find out the genders in a month. OH MY it is becoming real.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Don't Hate Me!

Every day I think about posting an update. There have even been times I actually open blogger. Here is the reason why... TIRED! I get up TIRED! I go to work TIRED! I come home EXHAUSTED! I quickly check email and facebook and then close up for the evening.

I don't think I have ever felt like this before in my life. You think when you go to bed you are in heaven. Bed is the best place ever. Of course I wake up a million times in the night but still get many hours of sleep. When I wake up I hope to feel that rested feeling. Nope, it is the feeling of never sleeping. So my lack of posting has nothing to do with anything but being so tired.

Today I am at 12 weeks. PRAISE GOD! I live for Wednesdays! My belly has popped just a little bit. I thought I would be much bigger but because food wasn't my friend I lost weight. The babies are beyond perfect. I have seen their little selves many times. I have more pictures than I know what to do with. I am not complaining. I love every one of them.

I daily pray for my little ones to LIVE LIVE LIVE! Over the weekend I had some bleeding and eventually passed a clot. I could not let my thoughts go to any place but LIFE! After 3 u/s they little ones are still perfect.

Thanks for the emails and sweet thoughts. Your prayers are also greatly appreciated. We live every day with awe and amazement. We are beyond blessed!