Kyle XY

It has been awhile. Once again I find myself exhausted when I get home. Teaching and waddling along takes lots of energy.

Back to my title... If you have watched Kyle XY you will know Kyle is missing something on his body. Any guesses? Yep, his belly button. Mine is GONE! I rubbed my belly today and it felt weird. I then realized I didn't have a belly button anymore. It made me laugh and then made me make everyone around me feel. I know soon it will pop out in a very scary way especially since I am on 23 weeks.

This past week would have been my angels birthday. Healing has taken place because I didn't remember the day. I actually had to go back through my blog to find it. I knew the week but not the day. Each day as I felt these little lives move I thought of my sweet angel baby. 'She' would have been 2. Still breaks my heart. BUT I am pretty sure if we had our little one we wouldn't be having these two miracles. It is just hard all around. The bottom line, I am blessed.

I have my first shower on Friday. I NEVER thought it would be my time. I actually feel guilty and scared about it all. I know MANY who deserve this more. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself I am pregnant. This is real. I still can't wrap my mind around it. Along with the fear of the shower, the nursery is up and under construction. Baby clothes are coming in. I got the bedding in yesterday. One day little ones will be living in there. I can barely go in the room. I am totally whacked!

Back to the belly... I can't wait for warmer weather so I can start wearing dresses. My clothes are starting to get small again. This belly is taking over. I don't remember life without it. I might waddle. My clothes might be limited. But I am in love with this belly and the life that lives inside.

We are having....

We found out. I never thought I would cave like that. I always wanted the surprise from the doctor holding up our little one say "You are having a ..." I couldn't resist. It would have been hard to not SEE one of our little ones anyway. It was right there in our face.

Not only do we know what we are having, I am feeling these little ones moving. Thump thump thump on my right side. Grumps got his turn too. I LOVE it! At one moment yesterday one of them moved and I could feel a nice hard lump. So precious to feel life!

I am feeling so much better these days. Week 20 is on Wednesday and I am growing like crazy. I can't hide I am pregnant anymore. My 2nd graders are still amazed by it all. Always wanting to put a hand on my belly and even wanting to see my belly button.

The cribs are on their way. The dresser is ordered. The bedding... I can't decide. I have plenty of time but I would LOVE to have this decision made. Everyone wants to know about names. We have none. They will come.

So are you ready to know what we are having?

A BOY

and

A GIRL!

Their little profiles show just how precious they are. I am in LOVE!

Sharing with Kids

Everyone and their brother knows we are pregnant. It has been fun sharing. But I had been keeping it a secret from my class of second graders. I wanted to wait to tell them after my big u/s. As the days went by I realized it was getting harder to do.

Students: Are you having a baby?
Me: Why?
Students: I don't know. Are you?
Me: I don't know. Am I?

Look of fright not knowing how to answer that.

Students: I don't know... silence.

Grumps said I was being mean keeping it a secret when they know something is going on. So I shared with them last week. They were and still are so cute about it.

Me: Have you guys noticed anything different about me lately?
Students: Ummm you are calmer.
(That would be me being tired. HA!~)
Students: You are more strict.
(hormones and me being tired.)
Me: How about how I look? Do I look fatter?
Students: YES and you are eating SO MUCH!

Now it gets to the part where hands go up everywhere. Some have huge grins on their faces. They have figured out the secret and just needed me to confirm it.

Student: YOU ARE PREGNANT!

Cheers go up all around the room.

Me: Yes and with twins.

They couldn't contain themselves. They had to touch my belly and ask questions. We talked about everything that was appropriate and even some things that weren't. Dead babies even came up. My little ones will know way more about being pregnant than most. One girl tried to explain how the babies lived in a bubble. The next day I showed them a picture of both the babies together. The first words were, IT IS A BUBBLE!

They check on my eating, making sure I am being healthy. I hold their little hands so still on my belly. They are in shock at how hard it is. They also look every day to see if it is growing. It really is so sweet.

Now I can't wait to share with them what we are having. They are already starting a list of possible names. HA!

Moving Foward in Faith

Every day my thoughts begin with a rub and a prayer... These babies will LIVE to declare the works of the Lord. Then I take a moment to just breathe. Then as the day goes on thoughts go to the what ifs. It is a very hard balance.

I went 'shopping' this weekend with D. Looking at cribs, bedding, you name it. The last time I had walked into that store was right before we lost our little angel to heaven. What an overwhelming moment and day. I got home exhausted. Nothing was purchased but ideas began. Before I left to shop I asked Grumps if I could buy the cribs if I found them. His reply, "I guess we could return them if something happened." Grumps is feeling it too.

We have had to just move forward in faith. God has this in HIS HANDS! I can't doubt. I can't be moved. We have to hold steady. When we finally talked about it all, Grumps seemed to begin to connect with the reality. He even brought up some name ideas. It felt good.

Tonight I made my first purchase. We don't have cute little names for our twins. We call them baby a and baby b. So lame BUT in our lameness I felt onesies that say just that, Baby A and Baby B. I can't wait to get the little package in the mail.

I am truly over the moon with these little miracles. Yes I am blah at times. Pregnancy is tough. But I KNOW it will be so worth it in the end.

Don't Hate Me!

Every day I think about posting an update. There have even been times I actually open blogger. Here is the reason why... TIRED! I get up TIRED! I go to work TIRED! I come home EXHAUSTED! I quickly check email and facebook and then close up for the evening.

I don't think I have ever felt like this before in my life. You think when you go to bed you are in heaven. Bed is the best place ever. Of course I wake up a million times in the night but still get many hours of sleep. When I wake up I hope to feel that rested feeling. Nope, it is the feeling of never sleeping. So my lack of posting has nothing to do with anything but being so tired.

Today I am at 12 weeks. PRAISE GOD! I live for Wednesdays! My belly has popped just a little bit. I thought I would be much bigger but because food wasn't my friend I lost weight. The babies are beyond perfect. I have seen their little selves many times. I have more pictures than I know what to do with. I am not complaining. I love every one of them.

I daily pray for my little ones to LIVE LIVE LIVE! Over the weekend I had some bleeding and eventually passed a clot. I could not let my thoughts go to any place but LIFE! After 3 u/s they little ones are still perfect.

Thanks for the emails and sweet thoughts. Your prayers are also greatly appreciated. We live every day with awe and amazement. We are beyond blessed!

The NEWS

I have GOOD NEWS!!!!

We are having twins with perfect strong heartbeats!  God is beyond amazing today!  Grumps was and still is in complete awe.  

THANK YOU for the encouragement, thoughts and prayers.  Please don't stop!!!