Monday, March 24, 2008

Twiddling My Thumbs

I should be at work today. Everyone else woke up griping about spring break being over. Everyone dreaded seeing the kids. Here I sit, in bed, planning my day, trying not to over think.

I called last week and got my leave of absence taken care of. Making that call was so sad. Having to verbalize what was going on to a stranger wasn't fun. I also went to work to get things in order on Friday. I had all these intentions. I barely could breathe. Poor Grumps watched me run around with my head cut off. I left it all for my team to take care of. I feel awful.

My mom is having more tests run today at the cancer hospital. We will get more answers on Friday. I got more information about her physical state and the cancer yesterday. It continues to break my heart. There hasn't been a day I haven't cried.

I am holding onto faith. God is in the middle of it all.

________________________________________

Last night I triggered, or should I say Grumps did. He did a great job considering he was scared to death. I caught the spear action he took on me from the corner of my eye. I freaked just a bit. I am sore today. We go in for retrieval tomorrow morning. I fly out to my family Wednesday afternoon.

I cannot thank you enough for your strength through your comments and emails. I feel surrounded by all of you.

29 comments:

Big Pissy said...

Oh, Sunny! I am so SO sorry...how heartbreaking....I don't even know what to say....

I don't have to tell you that you know your Mom would want you to take care of yourself and Grumps...

and that God is watching over all of you.

Big Hugs,
Pissy

p.s. please email or call me if there is anything I can do when you're home.

email: free2pups@yahoo.com

LJ said...

You are an amazing, strong woman. I am so sorry you are having to deal with any of this.

Lori said...

My thoughts are with you and your mom.

wilkefamily said...

There isn't a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about you and your mom and your family, Sunny. I can't FATHOM what you are going through right now. Such a mix of a emotions with IVF right in the middle of such a HARD HARD time for your family. My heart breaks for you. I don't know what I'd do without my mom. I'm glad you are able to go and be with her. Much love to you and your family...

Jen said...

I am so sorry. I have been thinking of you constantly. You are in my prayers.

Jason & Iris said...

Lots of love and hugs being sent your way!!

Leah said...

As if the whole situation isn't cruel enough, you are having to endure it while hopped up on injected hormones and soaring estrogen. That's just not right.

I am glad that you are able to salvage this IVF attempt. I will pray like mad for a successful retrieval and an amazing fertilization report. For Pete's sake, you deserve SOME happy news right now.

Please know that I have thought of you, cried for you, and prayed for you every single day. I will continue to do so, and I hope that your trip to be with your family is drama-free.

xoxo

Jendeis said...

Praying for you and your family. Take our strength and love; lean on us.

Morrisa said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know it's so hard. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

The Town Criers said...

Sunny, we're just sending love to you and your whole family. I hope retrieval and freezing goes well and you're back with family soon.

Kristen said...

I continue to send prayers and love to you and your family. I am wishing you the best of luck with your cycle. XOXO

Bev (and Brenda) said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers. Our hearts are heavy for you and your family during this time. Thank you for the updates.

The Proctors said...

Sunny...wow...I am so sorry for what you are going through. I CAN NOT even imagine, and my heart is so heavy for you. I will pray for you and your family. May the Lord's will be done with your cycle and with your mom. Love you girl!

Allison said...

Thinking of you every day, Sunny. Good luck at retrieval tomorrow - hope everything goes well. You and your whole family are in my prayers.

Cathleen said...

Hang in there sweetie. Good luck with retrieval and know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lea Bee said...

thinking of you all the time sunny

Colleen said...

I'm so sorry, Sunny. I will pray with you for a miracle for your mom & strength & peace for you....Big hugs & prayers....

mkv said...

That's what your team is there for and you shouldn't feel guilty one bit. I did the same thing with my dad. The important thing is to surround yourself with family. Wishing you strength and peace. xoxo

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

sending my prayers to you and your family.

evilla said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers. This is heartbreaking....

Meghan said...

I think of you and your family each day. And every day I'm amazed by your strength. Praying that retrieval and freezing go well and that your time with your mom is as peaceful as it can be

Rose C said...

Wow, Wow and WOW! You are in my prayers, and God is in the middle of it all! I admire your attitude! Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Sunny,

I'm praying that God sends you TWO miracles!!!! My prayers and open arms with hugs are here for you in California. -LOVE Julie

Wordgirl said...

Sunny,

I have been out of the blog loop here...and my heart is full thinking of all you have to contend with in your life right now.

May strength and light and love come your way my friend,


Pam

Carrie said...

I hope you are bearing up. You've been on my mind and I wish there was something I could do to lighten your load a little.

Take care xx

KE II said...

Sunny I'm so sorry to read your news, may you have a real sense of God's sustaining arms around you. May his comfort be very real to you. If you could look at this passage it might help :) (Isaiah 40:29-31)

Seven_Shades_of_Red said...

My mom died from cancer 3 1/2 years ago. Please know you can talk with me anytime you want. I know what it is like to get that phone call and have to rush to your momma's side, maybe for the last time.

Amanda said...

Be still and know that I am God is all I can think of right now...


you have a friend in CA praying for you and your family.

Trish said...

I don't know if you're getting messages at all while you're gone, but I'm thinking of you.
I hope things went well on Wednesday and that you're holding up okay with your mom. You're heavy on my mind..

--Trish