Thursday, March 20, 2008

In My Arms

Is where I wish you were today. Hearing you giggle. Watching you try to walk. Being close by.

My little angel I miss you today more than ever before.

Your grandmother is coming home to you soon. She is the best at rocking you to sleep. You won't miss her. Her smile is so big and her words are so gentle. Enjoy her for me.



The song is my heart's cry. I found the video on youtube.

________________________________________________________

They are giving my mom 2 to 4 weeks to live. They are heading to the cancer hospital today. They will see the doctors tomorrow and have more tests run. The information could change but the cancer is really bad. I go to the doctor this morning for monitoring. We need to talk about this cycle. There is a possibility we will either retrieve and freeze or cancel. If we cancel I will leave tomorrow to be with my family. If nothing else I will be there next week until the end. I am taking leave from work. I don't want to watch my mom die but I can't stay home. We are still praying for a miracle.

All that my mind can think of is, how do I live in a world without my mom. She is so amazing. In fact there is a package at the post office from her for us for Easter. Her love never stops.

Thank you so much for the many comments and emails. I feel surrounded by love.

45 comments:

Morrisa said...

I am so so sorry you have to go through this. I lost my father two years ago and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do but now I feel like that time I spent with him at his bedside on the last day of his life was the most precious memory ever. God bless you and I am praying for your family.

Meghan said...

Oh Sunny....I wish there was something I could say or do. My FIL passed away from cancer 3 years ago and DH says being there was the hardest thing in the world, but he wouldn't trade a second of that time.

You're all in my prayers

jill said...

crying with you, praying for you, here if you need anything.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you and praying.

Debby said...

Loving you and praying for you today...everyday...

The Town Criers said...

Sunny, my heart is breaking for your family. I am so sorry--what a terrible convergence of life and death. I'm sending good thoughts for peace with this cycle whichever way it goes. I'm sending bigger thoughts for your whole family and especially you, sweetheart. Please lean on us.

Shelby said...

I'm so, so sorry. I'm thinking of you and your family constantly.

Jay said...

Go be with her and the rest of your family. You are in my prayers.

tracey said...

praying, weeping, praying some more.
losing my dad was harder than dealing with my own cancer.
i won't say i know how you feel, 'cause it's different with your mom, but i do see what you're losing and i'm sorry.

Lori said...

Sunny. It's just too much to bear. We love you and are here to support you when it gets to be just too much.

Hugs. Hugs. Hugs.

The Fawley Family said...

praying for you all Sunny! It is a lot to deal with all at once. I love you!! Lots of hugs and kisses to you!! You know I am here if you need me!

JJ said...

So many thoughts of you and your family--you are constantly in my heart. Always here for you...

Kristen said...

I am thinking and praying for you and your family. It's just so much to deal with and I wish things could be different. No one should have to battle these things all at once. Love you girl. XOXO

Snapshots said...

I woke up thinking about you and Grumps and your angel this morning. (((hugs)))

Moose and I are praying for that miracle for your Mom.

Love you.

Bean said...

Sunny,

I'm so sorry and I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Mindy

Searching said...

That song has always made me cry, for all the parents who could be singing those words... Sending you hugs and prayers.

Sheryl said...

Oh Sunny I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do or I could help in some way. I'll send all the prayers I can...

andrea_jennine said...

Sunny, I'm so sorry. I'm saying a prayer for you and your family with this comment.

Waiting Amy said...

I'm so sorry that you are facing all these things, it must be overwhelming. I'm hoping you peacefully resolve this cycle and have that precious time with your mom. Thinking of you.

Pepper said...

Losing my mother was the hardest thing I've ever been through. It's a heartbreaking punch in the gut that leaves you breathless, battered, and dazed. But the time I spent with her brings me so much comfort even though it was so very hard.

Wishing you peace, grace, and courage.

SarahSews said...

I'm so sorry. Wishing you and your family peace at this terrible time.

TeamWinks said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts will be with you and your family during this difficult time.

FiestyKel said...

I don't know how I would cope, I don't know how you muddle through with your heart hurting like that. I am so sorry, what devastating news :(

Pamela Jeanne said...

Sending you a big {{{hug}}} and lots of good thoughts. PJ

Lea Bee said...

sunny, i'm so sorry for your pain. i'm sending you and your mom healing vibes. lots of love to you both.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Miracles do happen so keep the faith!

deanna said...

Thinking of you, sweetie......very sorry to hear about your mom. She sounds like a wonderful woman. ***hugs***

Heidi said...

Love, Hugs, and Hope

JamieDH said...

I am so sorry for all you are going through. You are in my thoughts and I pray for you to have strength.

Hugs . . .

Leah said...

I so desperately wish there was something I could say. Something to take away the hurt you are feeling, and the hurt you will feel forever. Something to take away the hurt your family will endure. Something to take away what is happening to your Mom.

But there aren't any words. Nothing magical that I could utter to make it all better. I'm so terribly sorry and my heart is just breaking into a million pieces for you.

I will continue to pray for your strength, for your family, and for your Mom.

Much love, L

Almamay said...

I'm sorry you have to make such difficult decisions about your TX while your mom is so very ill. Keeping you in my thoughts.

kenna said...

You and your family are in my thoughts...

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I am so so so very sorry for your pain.......

XOXO

Kami said...

I am coming here via Leah's blog. We don't know each other, but I wanted to say I am sorry for the expected loss of your mother.

It always seems like the best moms are gone too soon.

In and Out of Luck said...

I'm so sorry, Sunny. I am thinking of you and praying for your family.

Becks said...

Came here via Leah. I am so so sorry.

Cynthia said...

I am so sorry, Sunny. You've touched my heart on my blog before and I want you to know that you are thought of here. I will send a prayer out to your family.

Cindy

Cibele said...

I am so sorry...hoping and praying for a miracle

The Overstreet's said...

I do not even have the words! I just wanted you to know that I can't imagine what you are going through right now but I have prayed and I hope that God will lay his hands on you in your time of need! Lots of Hugs!

Grateful Always said...

We lost my husband's mother to cancer almost 4 years ago. It has been so tough and hoping that you find peace during this time... so sorry to hear this :( You and your family are in my prayers...

Carrie said...

I wish I had some words....
I am so sorry you are facing this. I hope you find the strength to get through this next while and I will be thinking of you.
Sending love x

Dreams do come true said...

I am so sorry for the news on your mother. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Wishing you peace and strength as you go through this terrible time.

SaraS-P said...

Wishing you endless strength...

Trish said...

oh Sunny.. I wish I had some words of wisdom, of comfort. I'm so sorry. My prayers are with all of you.

seattlegal said...

I wish there was something that I could do to make things different. I hope and pray for a miracle. I simply cannot imagine losing my mom, so my heart goes out to you.