Friday, May 30, 2008

Lets Count the Wait

It is hard to believe how much waiting I have done. It is something that has been on my mind lately. Why the wait? What have I learned through it all?

Grumps and I have been trying to have a family for over 5 years. Yep five years and we haven't seemed to have done much compared to the rest of the world. Usually people after this length of time either have their family or have just moved on. Here we sit stuck in the middle.

Lets list the wait!

*It all began with Grumps 5 year plan. As a kid I wanted to start having babies as soon as I got married. Well my thoughts on that changed with maturity. I knew we needed to develop our relationship and figure US out. As each year went by I began to ask Grumps if we could shorten our plan. I even began to pray for my little babies which I didn't have yet. Right before our 5 year mark we began to do it like rabbits. I just knew we would have a baby in our hands in no time. Ahummm lets move on!

*After our first year of trying we began the lovely testing process. There goes more wait. Wait for the test. Wait for the results. Wait for Grumps to come back from training. Wait for recovery. WAIT!!!!

*Then the lovely endo was discovered. Another HUGE moment of wait while I was on Lupron. The year on awful drugs seemed like eternity. I tried to make the best of it by enjoying friends and beverages. It helped some.

*Of course we were blessed with a moment of a baby as our wait ended. But then we lost our little one to heaven and had to wait as we recovered.

*I really thought all the wait was over when we began our trip to the RE and treatments. Well we went on another wait. The insurance wait of 6 months.

*Finally we have IVF insight. We are right in the middle of it all. Our dreams are about to come true (okay hope for the dream to come true) when we get the call about my mom. WAIT AGAIN!

It seems we have spent more time waiting than anything else. What has it taught me? Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.......... LONG PAUSE! I guess it has taught me how not to stress. How to trust. How to just enjoy the moment no matter what it brings. I can't let disappointment and major changes determine the quality of my life. I have to really make the best of a yuck situation. All things happen for a reason. Lets chew on that for a moment.

I have a list of things that wouldn't have happened in my life from friendships to time with my mom. During the wait you have to look at it as a time to find you in a new way. Find how you can touch others. How can you make the best of a not so great situation.

Embrace the wait and live!


Jen said...

That is a very good way of putting it. I hope your wait is over soon.

tracey said...

Good perspective my dear friend. It isn't the same - isn't close - doesn't compare to what you've been through and what you've had to bear - but I feel much the same way about my cancer. Wait for tests. Wait in isolation b/c of the radiation, wait for MRI's, CAT scans, diagnostic doses of RAI...blah blah blah. I have NEVER prayed for patience for me OR you - just peace. I got my answer and happy ending - hope yours comes soon. love you.

Bean said...

Sunny - so good to hear from you again. It breaks my heart to think how long you've been waiting and all you've endured. You certainly do seem to have good perspective and I admire you for seeing the good in it all. I truly hope your wait will be over soon.

jill said...

Hope you enjoyed all the moments tonight! (Ok, minus the one where you used profanities, hehe...)

nikole said...

Sending you lots of love and hope.