Saturday, December 01, 2007

Tis the Season

The Holidays are here again. I feel like they snuck up on me. I know, it sounds crazy. Christmas begins to show its face around October but I really don't pay it much attention. After the cruise it hit me how close it is.

Last year I skipped it. At least I tried too. For my family I put on a mask but if you looked close you could see how fake it was. I couldn't bare to celebrate a holiday where so much hadn't come true for me. This year will be different.

I am in a different place. I plan to have a tree. We are going to buy it tomorrow. I plan to listen to the music when it comes on the radio. I HAVE said, "Happy Holidays!" Last year I should have said, "Bahumbug!" This year will be different but it still won't be what I want it to be.

I am working hard to keep my head up and my thoughts positive. There have been times I feel the blues sneaking in. I lose my breath when a Christmas song comes on. I want to sing along but it still hurts. Even as I speak I am doing some baking for the DC Bloggers cookie exchange. I was torn. Do I play Christmas music, The Carpenters to be exact, as I bake? The thought FREAKED me out so My Top Rated playlist is blaring.

I got the first Christmas card today. It was from people who are really in our lives any more. Of course it was a family picture full of smiles. Last year I would have cried. This year I laughed. I mocked the picture. I made fun of the kids smiles. I even left it out for Grumps to make fun of too. I might do this with every card that enters my house. There will be no cards mailed out from mine. That is something I just can't do.

I am making baby steps. I will make it through this season with a heart full of blessings. I am sure there will be some tears too.


Oh guess what? No IUI for me this month. Yes at least my new insurance kicks in today. BUT my RE wants a consult before we move forward. Just call me MRS. WAIT!


LJ said...

Happy December to you too!!!

tracey said...

ok mrs. wait, we will enjoy our christmas break then - somehow we've dodged the karaoke bullet, but maybe we'll have to break down & give you something to really make fun of. who knows, maybe it'll be so epic it'll be worth making your chirstmas letter next year. >: )

Fertilize Me said...

Happy Holiday's. I am glad that you are trying to enjoy yurself!

Pamela Jeanne said...

I admire your efforts and your attitude. I'm hoping it rubs off on me. Thank you for this reminder that we all have to find a way to manage through the sometimes painful periods.

Leah said...

Well, Mrs. Wait, I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Cookies or no cookies, I'm excited to just catch up.

I love your new Christmas attitude, I hope it sticks around for the entire month!

Meghan said...

Waiting just sucks, sorry you're on the bench yet again.

And I'm with you on the card burning, we'll pop open a bottle, it'll be just lovely!

See you tomorrow!

The Town Criers said...

You know what, baby steps are fine. Baby steps are at least directional, so...step away :-)

Tanner said...


I can relate and I also have a similar mask that I take out time to time!

I'm taking your lead on the holiday spirit. I hope you got a terrific tree!

I'm so glad to be reading your blog!

JJ said...

One step at a time...thats all I tell myself to do these days. Wishing you a very happy December!

In and Out of Luck said...

Happy Holidays to you too. I'm glad too to be reading you.

Jen said...

I've been combing google today looking for Christian infertility blogs to read. I'm glad to have found yours and to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing your story.

my blog

Wordgirl said...

Happy happy December!

I love the tone of this posting... and it is so true with the baby steps...especially as I feel my own blues descending just the tiniest bit.

Thank you for the slice of light.