Tis the Season

The Holidays are here again. I feel like they snuck up on me. I know, it sounds crazy. Christmas begins to show its face around October but I really don't pay it much attention. After the cruise it hit me how close it is.

Last year I skipped it. At least I tried too. For my family I put on a mask but if you looked close you could see how fake it was. I couldn't bare to celebrate a holiday where so much hadn't come true for me. This year will be different.

I am in a different place. I plan to have a tree. We are going to buy it tomorrow. I plan to listen to the music when it comes on the radio. I HAVE said, "Happy Holidays!" Last year I should have said, "Bahumbug!" This year will be different but it still won't be what I want it to be.

I am working hard to keep my head up and my thoughts positive. There have been times I feel the blues sneaking in. I lose my breath when a Christmas song comes on. I want to sing along but it still hurts. Even as I speak I am doing some baking for the DC Bloggers cookie exchange. I was torn. Do I play Christmas music, The Carpenters to be exact, as I bake? The thought FREAKED me out so My Top Rated playlist is blaring.

I got the first Christmas card today. It was from people who are really in our lives any more. Of course it was a family picture full of smiles. Last year I would have cried. This year I laughed. I mocked the picture. I made fun of the kids smiles. I even left it out for Grumps to make fun of too. I might do this with every card that enters my house. There will be no cards mailed out from mine. That is something I just can't do.

I am making baby steps. I will make it through this season with a heart full of blessings. I am sure there will be some tears too.

HAPPY DECEMBER to all!

Oh guess what? No IUI for me this month. Yes at least my new insurance kicks in today. BUT my RE wants a consult before we move forward. Just call me MRS. WAIT!