Monday, July 14, 2008

Foul Mood

Yep that is me. I have a stinky mood going on. If you know me in real life you know I don't usually go to this place. I am always up with only a couple of down moments. Well I went to bed in a funk and I woke up in one. I am hoping blogging gets rid of it. I hate being here.

I had planned to blog about tips for your husband giving you shots in the butt and how my common thread bracelet broke. I am sure I will get to it. Instead I am just going to vent and get it all out there.

I have always given myself my shots. I like being in control. I wasn't exactly happy knowing Grumps had to be the one shooting me up. He doesn't do stuff like that very well. BUT I went in with confidence in him. I get the it all ready for him. Talk him through it. Remind him...

Well we have had some good shots but we have had some bad ones. Last night was the worse. It felt like he was moving the shot around. When I said something he got upset with me. Then I BLED! It turned into a quiet shouting match. His feelings were hurt. My butt killed. He said I make it hard. I shouldn't say that it hurts. I should just let him do it. He has no idea how it feels.

I suggested giving him a shot in the butt of just saline for him to see how it feels. He flipped. Why do I need to hurt him? I just wanted him to understand how it felt. He would have no part in it. The night ended with me going to the basement to play on the computer leaving him for bed. He did come downstairs to let me know he was just reading. I shrugged him off. This morning was just as cold.

I know this is a stupid vent. I shouldn't let this bother me. We will be transferring probably on Wednesday. I should be getting in a 'zen' state. Instead I am just yuck about it all. It is so small but it really is so big. It defines our marriage. How we deal! I wanted him to hold me and tell me he was sorry for hurting me. But I know he wanted me to say how sorry I was for making him feel bad. I just couldn't. I really can't.

I know he feels like a bystander just watching. He wants this over just as much as I do. I really just need a cheerleader. I am sure after having some girl time (sangria, pool, and wine) today I will be over this. I am going to put this mood under the hormone category. I am pulling the card and using the excuse. The del estrogen KILLS my back and making my boobs SUPER bigger than they already are! The progesterone oil only made my back hurt more.

I am done with complaining. Maybe after tonights shot I will have some helps for your spouse giving you shots so you won't have to have a moment like ours.

*I could use a little head patting, cheer talking, hugs ANYTHING to make me feel better. HELP ME get over this. Please tell me your husbands sucked at shots. I DON'T want to know how amazing they were. I don't want to be jealous of your marriage. I want to love mine more by the end of the day. I am SO not needy right now. HA!

21 comments:

Meghan said...

Sorry about your fight...nothing about this crap is easy.

Grumps might suck at shots but I doubt there is any way at all I could have ever gotten him to give me one. He got all white at our injection class. His only job was to clean up after me so I could lay down and wallow...and he even managed to mess that up half the time.

The whole thing just sucks. I hope your girl time helps, sangria, the pool, and the girls can cure just about whatever ails you.

LJ said...

Mr. Badger sucked at shots so hard that I started doing them myself. Less anxiety and definitely less pain.

If it is any consolation, I am in the crabbiest of moods today and feel like a giant fat fuck...

Misery does love company

waitingforbabyk said...

My husband doesn't come near me with a needle. He watched me give myself a lupron shot with the tiny insulin needle and he turned white and I thought he was going to pass out. My mom has been doing my PIO shots. Its is hard to include husbands in all of this sometimes. I think my husband feels like a spectator a lot of the time. Like he never fully knows what going on with our cycle. I hear you on the hormonal mood swings. Right now my tolerance is so low. Jeff and I spent a good portion of Saturday eve mad at each other after I couldn't take it anymore and yelled at him...stupid hormonoes!

missm said...

Oh Sunny ... you are so okay for feeling like this. They way you talked about going back and forth each wanting an apology, each blaming each other ... that is exactly US sometimes. I often wish I didn't have to tell D how to be a good hubby, why doesn't he just know? Just know that you are okay for thinking and feeling these things. I hate sucky days. I just want them to disappear and never come back. But I think it's also okay to feel the yuck, to lean into it, and let it be okay to feel it, instead of get rid of it. Because it always leaves ...

Have fun with your girlfriends! Girlfriend are awesome and will pick you right up! They know how to cheerlead, and hug and wallow with you. :)

Jen said...

I am rarely in a bad mood but when I am it isn't good. I hope you feel better soon. Did venting do it?

Fertilized said...

There is nothing easy about shots. You and Grumps will figure out what works for you both. It is a process that is just sucky. Hang in there - I am cheering you on to great things

DD said...

At first I let Mr. DD do the shots and thought he was doing an all right job. Frankly, I thought him doing it had to be easier than me trying to shoot myself.

When we reached a point where he was gone and I had to do them myself? I realized that I did them better: no coaching, no encouragement, no waiting for a commercial from the game...

And I can't believe he turned into a big baby when you suggested he take a shot of saline. Men are wussies.

Carrie said...

I'm sorry it's all rubbish right now. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, it just happens.

If it makes you feel any better we fell out at EC. He just wasn't being nice enough to me and seemed a bit annoyed (I thought) at having to spend so much time hanging around. He reckoned I just push him out.
I suggested a saline shot for him once, he thought I was evil!

I know they care, I think it is the lack of what they can do that gets them. Seems funny they aren't better at the role they've got but I think its a lack of control thing.

I hope things are cheerier soon.

Rachel said...

I hope you're feeling better! I definitely don't let my guy give me shots - I do the stomach/thigh ones myself, and solicit friends to do the ass ones. My husband almost fainted when they drew blood for his life insurance - in the comfort of our own apartment, sitting on our very own couch ...

I'm sorry that you're husband doesn't know how to comfort you at this moment, but I think it's great that you recognize that this is probably just as much his stress about the treatment and having to hurt you

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

I'm sorry at how horribly that shot went... Honestly, it must have been very painful!!!!! Let alone dealing with the emotions of fighting with your husband, who lvoes you and you love, but it just happens.

I only ever let my husband do two HCG butt shots, and then I had to do my 3rd on my own, and like others, found out it was so much better because no anticipation! And I can feel my own bruises, even if they're not visible. But he won't even WATCH me giving myself shots - he's that squemish! I purposely sometimes told him "I'm done, you can look" when I wasn't, just because I wanted him to be ACKNOWLEDGING what I was doing, even if he wasn't participating. Somehow his refusal to look hurt my sense of accomplishment and (attempt at) teamwork. Every husband is different. I only hope you two get it smoothed out soon.

Cathleen said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling so crummy. I'm sure that the hormones are at least partly to blame.

I'm planning to give myself all of the injections that I can. I dread the ones that J will have to give me.

In other thoughts...your boobs get bigger? Really? Do I get to keep them?? That would be a major perk! :)

Lucia said...

If I could give you a hug, I would Sunny. Hoping that tomorrow is better than today. Lots of positive thoughts for you.

Leah said...

You know damn good and well that my shots hurt like a mutha when Kevin did them -- that's obviously how the DH-taking-a-saline-shot-in-the-ass idea was created, eh? Unfortunately that shot didn't really hurt Kevin (I should have hit a nerve on purpose and/or filled it with something thick and painful like glue instead of saline) so it wasn't as rewarding as I'd hoped for.

I'm with the other commenters who said they did their own shots. It truly did hurt less when I took them over -- even the PIO ones. You may want to consider trying one yourself and see what you think.

I'm so, so, so sorry that your marriage is feeling the burden of IF. We all know what that's like. I am still wondering if mine will ever, ever be the same again.

In the meantime, I will gladly drive the 2 hours it would probably take to get to your house each night to give you shots. I'm not kidding. Say the word and I'm there because I love you. Hang in there.

Jojo said...

I think we can all share those sucky hubby stories. (((hugs)))
Have wine, vent with more girlfriends and your day will turn brighter.
My girlfriend and i always share our stories and we end up laughing over it all later.. much later.
Hang in there....

PCOSMama said...

ugh, I honestly don't think I've ever hear anyone praise their husband for their ability to give a good shot! I think they are just so scared of hurting us, they make it worse than it needs to be.
The first time my husband attempted my trigger shot in the butt, he freaked at the last minute and jerked the needle back... but not before he stabbed me! I was so pissed off - I had blood running down my leg and I still had to get stabbed again. He was in the doghouse for that one.

Maybe after this last shot your hubby will be better about it. I'm sure that he felt bad about hurting you, he just had to be a typical guy and not admit it, instead acting like an ass. I really hope things get better for you!

nikole said...

oh, honey, i'm so sorry. sending you big hugs.

kellg said...

Sunny:

Don't beat yourself up about being in a foul mood! It happens and you're certainly entitled. About the shots, one thing I found that worked well was for me to insert the needle and to have my dh push the plunger. That way I had control of any needle movement, but he was still helping. I just couldn't manage to push the plunger. Just a thought. Will be thinking of and praying for you guys.

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

My husband is good at shots, b/c he's a doctor, but I don't let him do them anymore b/c he is such a pain in the ass about it in other ways. He is never ready or willing when it is time for them, he resents it, and is basically an asshole about it. I find it is much better if I do them myself. And, we have been fighting like crazy lately. I blame the hormones (and his assholeness), he blames me, which makes him more of a jerk. Wish I could help. I just think men are difficult in general, and I HATE reading about how there are so many supportive, wonderful husbands out there sometimes, too. I mean, i love mine, i just wish he was more supportive and loving when I needed him to be. Hope the shots get better.

Kahla said...

Sorry it's so tough, IF sucks. Hoping all goes well for you from here on out!a

Twice Blessed said...

Sunny..my husband made be bleed several times. I always gave myself the ones in my leg or stomach but he had to do the progesterone in oil and the last HCG shot in my but. I don't think that I can say he ever did a good job because they just hurt! We went through ivf 2 times and the second one resulted in T&R. I want to give you some hope girl. Hang in there. We should introduce ourselves some Sunday. Praying for you and your booty!

Corn Child said...

Hey Sunny,

I know you're cancelled, so save this thought for your next cycle. The one where everything is going to go perfectly! :)

My husband - he SUCKS at shots. In fact, I let him do my first shot of Lupron, which you know is with a teensy TINY needle in the abdomen, where you can't really feel it. Well, I felt his. Well. So I decided he was not allowed to do any more of my shots. Then I stupidly let him do one of my PIO shots - I bled, too. I banned him from any other shots. I figure since I'm a nurse then I'll do them MYSELF! :D