Repeated Track

Just like Mel I have been quiet lately. My heart is heavy. Feeling blue.

Over a year ago I had something on a repeated track. You know what I mean? When the song won't leave your head. It just repeats. Not even the whole song but just the one line. You try to remove it with another song but it finds its way back into your head, your dreams, your day. My repeated track was March 21, my little angel's due date. The date would scream to me every day. Every second. March 21, March 21, March 21.... The more I heard it, the sadder I got. My heart felt like a boulder. I couldn't breathe.

Once March 21 came and went the track stopped. Finally peace in my head. Yet the track has seemed to be replaced with something else, the world childless. I hear it a million times a day. It doesn't leave. There isn't peace from it. It makes me sad. I feel hopeless. I am just going through the motions until that word becomes the soundtrack of our lives instead of the repeated track.

Here is one ray of sunlight... I know longer feel sick with envy or bitter with the news from others. It is just a fact, while my childless track continues to repeat.