Freak Out Night

It is amazing how your brain can go from one worry to the next in a blink of an eye.

This journey has been very hard. I found my faith to be stretched beyond what I thought was possible. You would think now that I have my baby inside of me I would feel at peace. I feel even more torn. I am trying very hard not to fear and worry and fret.

Today I have had that worry feeling all day. I have prayed and prayed. Nothing bad ever happened but doubt set in. I hate doubt!!! My doctor's office called letting me know that my blood test was great. Numbers are up. Progesterone good. I was all smiles. Then she said, "The doctor would like for you to come in for another blood test tomorrow before you schedule your sonogram." I have already scheduled that appointment.

I freaked out! My mind went to bad thoughts. Maybe they saw something wrong and need to see more results. It was never ending in my head. I went to the message boards and posted. I went to my online friends and posted. I needed to know that everything was okay. I went to God and asked for peace and saving mercies for this baby.

My friends all believe that my doctor wants to keep a close eye on me. They want to make sure all is well and if not they want to be right there to try to fix it. My doctor friend told me that your numbers need to be at a certain level in order for them to see a heart beat on a sonogram. They might be checking that to make sure all is well. The doctor who asked for more bloodwork done is a different doctor who I did my first appointment with.

With all that being said and thought through I am better. It is just amazing how I used to freak out about not having kids. Now I freak out about the life inside of me.

I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO GOD!!!