My Mom

I have talked about my mom before. I have told you how she can be completely insensitive to my feelings and what we are going through.

Her compassion level for me is like ZERO. She ignores the issues that we have. Only once in a blue moon will she surprise me with true compassion. I will get a card that is meant to encourage. She will call to see how my day is. I might get a little magnet or angel or something to brighten my day. BUT things are never talked about. When I have needed caring words or a listening ear I didn't turn to my mom. I wish I could.

I have many friends who have such an amazing relationship with their moms. I want that. I have always wanted that. Now if you met my mom you would think she would be the best mom ever. She is to others. She will hold a friend's hand as they are going through a very hard time. She will sit with them and listen as they cry. To me, she ignores or gives me advice that really hurts.

I LOVE MY MOM but sometimes I wish she just understood. But she never can. My mom got married very young. She divorced a year later never having children from that abusive relationship. She married again a year later to my dad. I was born 4 days before their first anniversary. OOPS big time. My brother was planned 4 years later. My little sister came 10 years later by accident. My mom always regretted having us so early by accident. She continued to tell me how blessed I was when I didn't get pregnant right away. She can NEVER understand where I am on this journey. She would love for me to have kids but she can't understand the pain the journey has caused. How can she?

I got an email from my mom on Friday. It was nice and long. My mom NEVER sends long emails. I could tell she had worked long and hard on this email. I smiled as I read. Then I got to almost the end. This is what it said:

I got a new mag. for Christmas from a friend. a Christian mag. In it was a story about a girl who had suffered from a miscarriage. It was so good. It really opened my eyes to what you have gone thru. Not really realizing everything. I am going to send it to you. I am sorry for being insensitive to you................I just really didn't understand everything. But after reading her story it really opened my eyes to so much. The blessed assurance is that when we get to heaven our little baby is going to be waiting on us...............

I was FLOORED! It was huge that she apologized. My mom doesn't ever do that. I haven't responded yet. I think I will do that right now. I just needed some time to process it all. I know that my mom will continue to be insensitive but I have this email to remind me that at one time she realized her mistake.

She ended her email with: I love you and are proud of you. Continue to always be a blessing and to bless everyone around you.

I have let those words sing in my head over and over again. She is proud of me!