Sunday, July 29, 2007

Dreams

I had a dream last night that was very disturbing. I find I do my worrying in my dreams instead of real time. Guess what I worried about last night? Being childless.

In my dream I had made friends with another couple dealing with IF. We both had just done a procedure and were waiting for our results. Of course she finds out she is pregnant. She tells me she is sad I am not and moves on. It was like she couldn't be my friend unless we both were pregnant or not pregnant together. Yes, weird.

I realized then, in my dream, I had no choice. It was either time to adopt or time to face the facts, we would remain childless.

As part of my dream I had to tell my coworkers of my decision. I guess this is where I begin stressing and worrying about the upcoming school year. We are going to have lots of changes. I am trying not to care.

I woke up from my dream saddened and disturbed. I know it was a dream. I know it isn't time to face those facts yet but they were there in my sleep. It is also strange how every time I woke up Grumps was touching me. We never touch in our sleep. Maybe he was having the same dreams. I will have to ask him when he wakes up.

10 comments:

Chris said...

Oh those disturbing dreams are so awful, especially when they feel so weird. However, it is nice to know that Grumps was touching you each time you woke up. And I, too, can relate to the not-so-great feeling of wondering if it is just time to move on. A yucky feeling.

Lori said...

There's so much rich stuff in this dream.

* friend who is pregnant can no longer be a friend.

* feeling of having no choice

* telling other people your decision

* worrying about change

* connecting with Grumps

I hope in the light of day you can find meaning -- or none-- in these fragments.

Inconceivable said...

Saying alil prayer for you today! blessings Farah

Pamela Jeanne said...

Thinking of you. I know how troubling those thoughts can be. You'll know what's right for you and the anxiety will be replaced with peace.

niobe said...

What a sad, difficult dream. It seems that it's our fears, not our hopes that are magnified in dreams -- well, in my dreams, anyway.

Monica said...

Ditto Niobe. I don't know when the last time I've had a good dream was. I guess you've been mulling around these issues in various ways and they have made it into your dreams. It is nice that Grumps was physically close to you. Whenever I wake up from a bad dream the first thing I do is cozy up to DH.

Curly Mommy said...

Dreams are so strange and sometimes they suck.

Two weeks ago Yardboy dreamed that he had to put me in a mental institution! In the dream I was so crazy that I had to wear a straight jacket. Later he divorced me and got married to some OLD lady.

I told Yardboy that he should keep dreams like that to himself from now own.

I hope you sleep better tonight.

The Town Criers said...

Those dreams are so terrible because they leave a film over the whole day. I hope you slept better last night.

kell said...

I am so sorry for your dreams. They creep up on you when you are trying your best not to dwell on what is going on in your life. They certainly catch us off guard don't they. I hope that you don't have more of those and have better nights of sleep. Lately I have been having tons of Harry Potter dreams :-)

Trish said...

Ugh. I hate those kind of dreams. Even when you can identify why you dreamed them, you just feel "off" the whole day.