Monday, September 24, 2007

Painful Innocence

Yesterday in church I was singing and worshiping when D began to talk about her morning. She got chocked up and of course I got chocked up too. I had been focused on the song but now I was watching her speak.

My eyes were looked down to the front row. There at the front of the church was the most precious little girl in a white dress and ruby red sparkling shoes. She began to dance and twirl and worship God. She was maybe 5 if that. The look on her face was so intent on praising God. My heart broke. My eyes filled with tears. I want a little girl to mold and teach and have her grow into a godly woman.

I don't know if D had seen her. If she was trying hard not to focus her attention on her. I know I began to cry out to God asking Him to change me from the inside out. Desperately wanting to put my focus back on Him and not on the precious little girl.

It is amazing how something so sweet and pure and innocent can be so painful.

7 comments:

PCOSMama said...

It's these things that make infertility so hard - to be confronted with something so beautiful, yet heartbreaking, at the most unexpected times.

Pamela Jeanne said...

PCOSMama said it perfectly. I can fully appreciate how mesmerizing that little girl was...

niobe said...

Yes. And the more beautiful the sight, the more painful it is to see.

TeamWinks said...

I've thought that many times before...

Chris said...

oh that is so hard, yet so beautiful at the same time.

Beth said...

I stumbled (or was led perhaps :o)) to your blog. Your sweet heart is in my prayers and I hope your changing from the inside out yeilds much fruit for you. Thank you for touching my heart with your story. Beth

Mandy said...

I can relate to how you feel. Here is hoping and praying that one day the beauty will overtake the pain. I guess that would be beauty for ashes, in a way.