Friday, September 23, 2005

The One Year Mark

When we began this journey of trying to create life, we didn't think it would be a long journey. But the one year mark came and we were confused. It just wasn't 'normal'. So the appointment was made. I was to go talk to a doctor about the one year mark. Boy was I scared. Of course I went alone. I do most things like this alone. I am a big girl!

I of course waited forever in the waiting room with other woman. Some were pregnant. Others weren't showing or were in my boat. I flipped through the pregnancy magazines thinking when could I use the knowledge that I got from them. Then I get called into the back. There were the scales, the blood pressure, the temperature, the peeing in a cup, the paperwork. The paperwork was the scariest. So many questions about me and my husband. Questions that made me think. What was are problem?

I then got moved into the doc's private room. There I waited some more. My fears were mounting. Maybe we couldn't have children. Or maybe this doctor would be our 'savior'. The doctor entered and didn't take long to begin. Questions, questions, questions. Intrusive. I almost felt violated with the questions. He was so blunt and straight forward. He told me the reality, more than likely we wouldn't be able to have children. We needed to start thinking of our options.

It took my breath away, those words. I was shocked! How did he know that? He hadn't even known me more than 10 minutes. The tears started to rise. My head started to swim. I just wanted out of that office. But it did bring me to reality. What was our problem?

The testing would begin...

My life changed that day. My faith was tested. My life would never be the same.

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