Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Need a Good Cry?

I sure do! Watching this video gave me the release I needed. Beware, you will need a private moment while watching.



Today was Infertile Hell for me! I had a lunch date with friends. One of the girls I haven't seen in a very long time. She is pregnant. I am so happy for her but it just kills thinking about it. You know, life isn't fair and all that jazz. Well in order to deal with pregnant people I have to buy gifts. It helps me let them know even though I might not ask questions or talk about her pregnancy I do care.

While shopping for the gift I went into a kid's store that has a small book collection. First big mistake. There were strollers EVERYWHERE. I couldn't make it down any aisles because of all the children. Some were screaming, others were playing with all the toys. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My stomach was all upset during that moment. I moved on and more strollers appeared. It was like a very bad dream. Then big pregnant bellies began to surround me. All I could think about was "I sure look cute today. What drink will I have when I get home." I truly wanted to crawl in a hole.

Lunch went well but she looked too perfect. You know the one, perfect little belly, perfect tan, perfect everything. I had a margarita to help ease the pain. She looked at it longingly. Of course I gave my ten cents on stores to shop and online websites. Yep STUPID ME. Everyone looked at me with sad eyes. I know too much for not having children.

It was a good time with everyone but I was looking forward to home. My eyes became misty as I drove home. I couldn't stop seeing her little belly in my head. How she touched it and talked about the day they will find out if it is a girl or boy. I will be okay but the day really was just as bad as a baby shower.

Then I read a blog and find the song. It really touched my heart. I am not alone. I felt like it today but I know I am not. I hope it gave you a good cry. Sometimes we just need it!

23 comments:

Karaoke Diva said...

Holy cow, you weren't kidding. That song had me misty eyed in 3 seconds flat. Thanks for sharing!

D said...

oh i am such a snot nosed mess right now! that was beautiful...thanks for sharing and I sure did need the cry today too. Tomorrow is our day and I'm looking forward to it so much this week! Love you like the snot dripping out of my nose right now!

tracey said...

I'm still at work so I'll watch the video later - but in case you check your blog soon, I want you to know I'm sorry you spent the day in hell. I won't pretend to know how you feel, but I do know it sucks. If it's any comfort, I spent a few days in a differnt hell. But, I've discovered I have the ability to time travel. I'm serious. I just spent 3 days in WV and it seems to be the land time forgot. No cell phone, no internet - it was 1972 all over again. I'll blog on it later, and expand on my theory. Love you.

Patience said...

Must say it bought a tear to my eye - and I don't even like the song itself!

And babe, you're not alone... x

Trish said...

well, I'm sobbing now.. how beautiful..
I'll buy the song on itunes later..

Bless her and you.
Sorry for the shit-hole day.. (((HUG)))

Curly Mommy said...

Wow. What an amazing song. I hope tomorrow is better. Love you.

tracey said...

holy crap - what are you doing to me? i make a point of being the non-crying, sarcastic friend, but that video melts even my heart. A year ago, not so much, but after getting to know you and d, everything has changed. i'm going to go shower off the snot, take a shower, and have a drink, not necessarily in that order.

Amber said...

Yeah- I am with Tracey, I am the oldest and I do not cry. However, my face is now covered in mascara and mucus. Sometimes crying is all that helps.

Carlynn said...

Sorry about the lunch, you were very brave to stay, I would have sneaked out for an "appointment". It's not easy seeing other people fall pregnant so easily.

Chris said...

Wow, that is a pretty rough day and I can understand how it was so upsetting for you. I'm right there with you and you are certainly not alone. In fact, you have lots of really good company!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I'm sorry! You know I had a rough day yesterday, too. I wonder when we'll get a break.

Your gift idea is great. I was planning on dropping off a card tonight, but I think maybe I'll go buy a little book or something to put with the card.

BestLight said...

Back in the day, watching this video would have put me in the fetal position. (No put intended.)

Touches to the core.

{{Sunny}}, hugs for that lunch date.

missm said...

Sunny, I love your honesty. You are awesome!! (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a song!! Prayers and hugs for you and Grumps. Of course the tears are flowing. Love you :)

Cynthia said...

Thank you so much for posting that video. That was absolutely beautiful.

Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, Sunny. That song is amazing and touches a very sensitive nerve. I'm sorry for the difficult day. I've had to grit my way through more of those days than I care to remember. Hugs to you!

Reproductive Jeans said...

I love love love that song/video--so moving.
Sorry for the hard day=( Its never easy....

GLouise said...

WOW- what a song and video! I just had to hit pause so i could take a call....But Who is the singer?! Wow!

Chris & Rachel said...

Sunny,
Thanks for sharing...


Rachel from FF

Maygy said...

I can totally relate to the buying gifts - I do that to! And, I loved the comment about knowing too much for not having children -- I've been around new moms/pregnant women for so long and always mentally filing away information for when I'll need it...sometimes I'll blurt out advice or info to others...Thanks for sharing!

Laura said...

oh wow! That made me bawl. :( I had a dream about you while I was on vacation....I'll tell you about it "elsewhere" ;) Love you!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your continuous feeling of loss. It sounds so raw and painful. You have great courage even if it doesn't feel like it. Opening your heart and soul to possibility is the greatest act of strength and courage. Disappointment just plain sucks and I'm sorry that that is where you are at.

Corn Child said...

I've posted on your blog once before and have it bookmarked. I'm watching your journey, hoping everthing goes as you pray. My husband is unable to have kids naturally so we'll be attemping ICSI/TESE/InVitro after I'm done with nursing school. I've just started a job in the NICU and have wondered if that's really a smart place for me to be - some days it's hard to see the "unwanted" babies come through and not be able to show my anger towards parents who would so willingly throw these angels away. Holding a crying baby and hushing them and consoling them makes my heart ache for our own, but it somehow is teaching me to face our infertility head on. I don't want to live my life sad all the time when I see a baby. I'm sure you know the feeling. So anyway, just wanted to thank you for posting that video.