Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Unthinkable

I am about to do the unthinkable. I know many of you will laugh but for me this is huge. I am about to mark all read on my google/reader. When I came to my computer this morning I had over 400 posts to read. I AM SO BEHIND. I can't stand the pressure. After 2 hours I have whittled it down to 236 post to read. I just can't spend my Saturday skimming through blogs. I just can't.

I know this is so stupid to worry about but if you know me you know how I am. I have little issues.

I hate writing my name in a book.

I don't like to read all of the back of a book afraid it will give too much away.

I like to reply right away to emails. I had so many in my inbox starred for a better thoughtful day to reply. KILLS ME!

I hate to not finish something but also hate being stressed about it. I hate asking for help. I would rather look strong.

I don't cry in front of others very often. Grumps has seen my tears only a handful of times. My family always laughed when I cried. I refuse to do it now afraid of showing weakness or being laughed at.

I stick to my promises and agreements even if it kills me. Once I was supposed to meet a friend at the gym. I was sick as a dog but didn't want to bale on her. I waited for an hour and she never showed. At work that week I asked where she was. She didn't feel up to going. I was ticked but never told her.

I don't do confrontation. I would rather just live with the issue than deal with it. I even do this in my marriage.

I always save the last little bit of everything for Grumps. He never notices or eats it. It drives me nuts but I can't stop myself.

I want to be involved in others lives. I want them to know I cared. THIS is why hitting the marked all as read is driving me nuts this morning. Just know I do care. I really want to comment. I just can't have this list hanging over my head any longer. Mel I suck as a Clicker right now. Please forgive me. See I am a freak!

Anyone else a freak like me?


Leah said...

Um, yeah. I am a total freak about stuff you'd never guess. You are not alone.

You haven't missed much on my blog if you're behind on reading... just some puke stories and then a big long list of links to other people's blogs (yours included) where I beg for folks to go over and lend different types of support.

I hope that once you marked them all as read, you found some peace. If anything truly important has happened, you will find out one way or another. You need to live your own life first, then you give what's left over to your friends IRL and in blogland. We understand!

You coming to the cookie exchange?

Fertilize Me said...

Sunny- I am sorry that list was looming over your head. You are not alone, i think everyone has "issues" some just hide them or deny them. I could spend hours about hours listing mine. My friends could probably spend hours upon hours listing them too. I am not one that hides their issues well.

Pamela Jeanne said...

I think it's incredibly sweet that you want so much to be involved in our lives. Don't be so hard on yourself. I have a reader too and have been overwhelmed of late with the amount of posts and the growing number of new bloggers. On the one hand, we are less alone every time someone starts a new blog, on the other hand we clearly are not getting the support we need in the physical world. I usually write more when I'm conflicted...I'm guessing that's true for others. Hang in there my friend! ;-)

Lori said...

Freak here.

Glad you're doing what's good for you, even if it's tough (and I KNOW how tough that was).

Monica said...

Hit MARK ALL READ!!! We understand. You have our permission. Blogging shouldn't be work. When it starts feeling like work, cut back. And yeah, I get that guilty feeling too. But just go sit down and drink a beer and you'll be over it quickly. And you haven't missed much on my blog either.

PCOSMama said...

Don't stress about it! Odds are that once you do get back to reading, you'll catch on to anything you missed anyways.
I used to stress about it... anytime someone commented on my blog, I would go over and catch up on theirs and add it to my bloglines if I liked it. But then it got to be too much, so I had to stop adding. I think it's better to just give support where you can, rather than stress about keeping up with everyone.
The last thing an infertile needs is more stress in their lives! ;)
Now mark it all as read and go relax with a glass of wine...

The Town Criers said...

I am such a freak like you. So many of these things applied to me. And I am at my most stressed when I feel like I'm not attending to things that need attending--whether or not they actually do!

Kim said...

I have the SAME issue... and it's not just with blogs, I just don't seem to ever have enough time/motivation to get things done... so some things just keep building up to the point where it's just overwhelming!

niobe said...

(raising hand and waving it wildly)

Me! Me! Me! Total freak here. I identify with so many of the items on your list.

LJ said...

Oh, you KNOW I am a total freak. And I had to declare reader bankruptcy last week. I had too many blogs to read and just was so far behind. I still am behind, but I'm catching up...slowly

JJ said...

Uhh, yeah I know exactly what you mean! No worries=)

seussgirl said...

Oh yeah - I'm in the freak club. Especially the parts about the keeping to comittments and non-confrontational. A friend was supposed to take me out on my birthday - she never called, I waited all day, I cried on the couch, and I never told her it hurt.
I agree with everyone else - don't stress yourself out on the internet! There's enough stress IRL! :)