Monday, November 20, 2006

A Life Without Children

I am trying to wrap my brain around this idea. It doesn't mean I am giving up hope.
This world is all about family. Everywhere you go it is asked or talked about. I recently went to a Pampered Chef party with D. It was time to introduce ourselves. If you been to one of these parties you always say what your favorite tool and how you know the hostess. But this time we were also suppose to tell how many kids we have. Both D and I began to groan and then laugh. We had a plan.

D goes first. "I have a 3 year old with furry legs who consumes our life. Her name is Lady. " I couldn't stop laughing. Then it was my turn. "I have an almost 3 year old furbaby named Itsy." Those who know us and our problems laughed. Those who had no clue including the lady in charge just stared at us.

Children and talk of children are a part of every new friend conversation. When you meet someone most often they ask, "Do you have any children?" Even my kids at school ask me. My response to the adults is, "Not yet. We are waiting for our miracle." It usually stops all talk of children.

During my walk this morning I began to think a life without kids even more. We would have more money to spend on ourselves and others. We could go to the movies and dinner anytime. Trips could be planned last minute. My Saturdays would be my Saturdays unless Grumps takes over. My mornings wouldn't be hectic. Life without children doesn't sound all that bad until...

You start thinking about getting older. No grandkids, no one to take care of you when you lose your other half. No school programs, loose teeth, Christmas excitement, proms, graduations, weddings. All those firsts and BIG MOMENTS that people live for.

I just wanted to share with you what is going on in my mind as holidays are quickly approaching and family events are right in our faces.


e. said...

I just read an article in our church's newsletter and I thought of you and Grumps. Go to and then under EMMC Recorder and then November 2006, you'll find "Though Thou Slay Me" by Jake Letkeman. Might lift you up and keep trusting Him.

GLouise said...

I love your response to the "how many kids do you have" question. Personally, I think it is a stupid question!

Yesterday I got a similar a church leadership meeting, the pastor asked, "raise your hand if childcare is important to you for xyz upcoming Christmas event."

I just rolled my eyes. Ugg.

Alli said...

I love your response, too. You're right - that would stop them in their tracks. Plus, it's positive but points out in a subtle way that it's not a discussion to get into.

Today, when I was getting my blood test, I heard "Twinkle Twinkle" come on over the intercom at the hospital. They play it everytime a baby is born there. I almost lost it!

laura said...

It is so hard to contemplate the idea of living without children. I know a few people who, although they very much wanted children, didn't have the chance to. They seem to be contented, and have a different kind of happiness in their life.

Although I do believe you are going to have your family, one way or another, I think it's smart of you to contemplate the less-desireable scenerio.

Sunny said...

e. Thank you for the link. It was very good. Those are some of the same thoughts and verses I have been thinking about. My doctor told me once, even if you never have a child, never stop following God. He was so right.

glouise My response is just truly from the heart. It really stops the questions and lets others see my heart a tad. We had a marriage retreat day and the big thing was come in the morning and have the afternoon with your spouse because your money goes towards your childcare. What about those without kids? Do we get a discount? HA!

Alli I would have just died. Grumps gets a page when someone in his work has a baby. He works in a big office so there is one at least once a week. He groans every time. But your twinkle twinkle is coming SOON!

Thanks Laura. I know that I could live without kids but I would much rather live with them.

snapshots said...

I felt every word you wrote in my heart. From a different point of view, but they are the same questions that mull around my brain. Maybe you and I WILL have to live in a beach house together in Charleston when we are old and alone. We can take care of each other. haaaaaaaaa

Sunny said...

I thought about you when I wrote this post! It will be the two of us until the bitter end!!!

babydreams said...

I also encounter the "how many children" question on a frequent basis. When the asker finds out that I am not only childless, but also single, the topic of conversation changes quickly. It is still painful for me everytime even though I've had this conversation hundreds of times by now. This continues to be a festering thorn in my flesh.

Jay said...

I always found the holidays to be the worst. No question that it's tough. Christmas is all about a child being born, and you have the constant reminders for a month before hand.
Keep your chin up and look forward to the things you are enjoying now.
I too believe that you will expand on the family you already have. I really do believe.

kell said...

I get those questions all the time too and I say things similar to you, we are waiting for our baby or we are adopting and waiting for someone to pick us, etc. I went back and forth between a childless life and one with a child and I couldn't imagine not having one so that was how we finally decided adoption was for us. Its about being parents in the end. All of us get there in a different way.

The holidays are definitely the harder times of year. We are all here for you.

Professor said...

I know that it is tough during the holidays, but remember that you have each other. Your spirit is amazing and you need to always keep that in the front of your thoughts. You get down on yourself and that is when you begin to doubt abilities and accomplishments.

You rock and we are here for you!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

Adopt me. I'll be your kid. Imagine how fun I'd make the holidays.

Hot Lips

kellg said...

Sunny: Thanks for always being such an encouragement. I pray you'll have "success" very soon, in one form or another. Happy Thanksgiving!