Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Regrets

I have them every day.

I regret eating half the McDs hash brown this morning that my co-worker bought.

I regret getting very angry at my students yesterday even though a HUGE part of it was my PMS and LOTS of AD*VL I took for the awful cramps.

I regret the chips I bought to eat on my short drive home because I couldn't resist. Now my mouth hurts.

I regret drinking so much wine the other day that I don't remember the last half. It couldn't have been so bad since Grumps didn't say a word to me about it. But still...

These are all little regrets but with IF I find we all live with bigger regrets.

I regret being so naive and thinking I would get pregnant the first time we did the deed without protection.

I regret waiting so long to start trying.

I regret having stayed with the first doctor so long.

I regret not pushing through the testing instead of dragging my feet.

I regret Lupron.

I regret the drink fest I had.

I regret taking that long flight to Canada while pregnant.

I regret the sausage I ate.

I regret not switching insurances earlier.

I regret not pushing for treatments sooner.

I regret the stupid advice and comments I gave to others when I should have just given a hug and a prayer.

I regret having regrets.

The cycle kills me. I worry what others think about my journey. "Why have you been trying so long and just have had one IUI?" My journey has had small moments of hope which have caused big gaps of wait.

NO MORE REGRETS! My journey has made me ME! It has helped others. It is helping others. I can't walk in other peoples IF shoes. I can't try to will my journey to change. I have to live in the now and not in the regret.

This morning I was reminded of this freedom of regret in a song.

Miracle of the Moment by Steven Curtis Chapman

5 comments:

Chris said...

It is so easy to get caught up in regrets, and you are so smart to figure your way out of the regret trap. Thanks for sharing the song.

Lori said...

I loved the way you closed, by seeing that all the things you regretted are what made you you. And that's worth everything.

Meghan said...

You're right, everything up to this point has made you YOU!

There's another song I like called Sweet Mistakes, the chorus goes "Bless your sweet mistakes, they brought you to this place"..i'm probably getting the lyrics wrong but you get the idea

The Town Criers said...

This post spoke volumes to me. I know those regrets so well (especially the eating ones!). But I think regrets need to happen at times because regrets are based entirely in hindsight. And if we could predict everything...well...we wouldn't be human.

Monica said...

While I agree that some regrets help us learn, most just punish us. Let go. Let go.