Thursday, October 11, 2007

Over the Edge

I have no clue what my title means. I guess I am just over it all. Mainly the waiting. I will get to more on the waiting in a minute.

I had my self-evaluation at work last week. Every 2 years I am on the observation cycle. I HATE IT! My boss comes and goes watching me teach. She checks my records. I show her all my great stuff and how I keep up with parents, blah blah blah. Really it is just STRESS!

During my meeting she asked for my goals for the year. I made some crap up. She asked if I had a personal goal. Yep, to just make it through the year. I then spilled my guts and told her my story. Not all of it but the nutshell version with limited tears. Before I got into it she drops her grandbaby's picture in my hands. I am like, "OH MY GOD please stop." Well it is an IVF baby. She tried to connect. I thought WOW I have a boss who totally will get me.

Here comes her advice. First, she is putting me on her baby list. The list of women she wants to get pregnant for the year. I would like to know what she will do about all of this. Then she tells me to surround myself with all the pregnant women. To let their hormones surround me. To soak them in. To let them heal me.

WHAT THE CRAP! Who tells an IF to surround herself with pregnant women? I believe that is more like suicide. I smiled, tried not to roll my eyes, and laughed. At least my new boss knows where I am if any more crap hits the fan.

Now onto what really pushed me over the edge. You know the, "We are changing our insurance in October. I will do my next IUI in December?" Well let's move that change to next month. I know, it is only one month but it pushes my IUI to January unless my cycle falls perfectly in December. I have spent more time waiting than doing anything productive. I am just plain TIRED! Yes I know I just talked about "My time is in Your hands." Seriously what more can I do in this wait? UGH!

I guess on the bright side, I get one more extra month of drinking.

Yep I have been on a posting craze. Sorry for so many posts. It is my way of dealing.


Fertilize Me said...

Oh i feel ya ... I get it ..I really get this part.

As for surrounding yourself ...WOW o WOW... He is not one that "gets it". But she tries.

THinking of you

dmarie said...

Ughhh. Sorry for the ass-vice. And post all you need/want to. I may not comment on every post, but I read every one and I'm thinking about you and having a bottle in your honor this evening :)

Monica said...

Ha! Sorry your boss is so clueless. And I hate the evaluations.... I was exempt last year and was supposed to be exempt this year but our school had a "hiccup" in our accountability ratings and so now all teachers must be evaluated this year. About the drinking... glad to see you still have a sense of humor and can still see the bright side of the dark side.

Meghan said...

That has to be the worst ass-vice I have ever heard. I have a feeling it would turn me absolutely homicidal.

And I'm with you on the waiting game, it just sucks. I am SO not good at it

LJ said...

Yeah, infertility is not like gals living in a house together where they all get AF at the same time.

Points for trying, points taken away for the total inappropriateness of it within the guise of an EVAL!!!

Chris said...

That is the most uncomfortable "review" I can ever imagine. It's amazing how clueless people can be when they are trying to be helpful. My inlaws are going to be here this weekend and I intend to say NOTHING about my IVF because my MIL "knows all about it because I know people who have done it". Blech.

Wordgirl said...

I think you should keep posting! This is what allows us all to get through this crazy journey.

I'm sorry about the review -- as if teaching weren't hard enough!!


JJ said...

What ASSvice that was...hmmm, just plain weird.

You know Im here to drink with ya! Waiting stinks....

PCOSMama said...

Well, it is her grandbaby, not her baby, so unfortunately she is probably just like most other moms of infertiles who think they get it but never truly can? At least she tried, that was nice. It sucks though that even someone trying to be nice can put us over the edge because they are clueless.

Maybe she was thinking about the whole 'women who work/live together cycle together' thing because of the hormones communicating or whatever. It's actually been proven.... except that they didn't take into account infertiles with crazy hormones and irregular cycles!

Hang in there and enjoy your wine! And kudos to you for having the guts to tell your boss what's going on!