Why do I try to share my heart or whatever with my mom? WHY! I know what will happen EVERY TIME! The funny thing I really wasn't even truly sharing my heart.
She called to check in on my tonight. Grumps is out of town. My dad is out of town. So we talk for a long time. We talk about everything. I start talking about my mother in law. I move on to talking about how infertility can be like a rollercoaster. She listens to me for maybe a minute when there is an abrupt change of subject.
It goes something like this:
Me: You know I told my MIL how infertility is like a rollercoaster. You have really good days and then one word is said and BAMB a bad day. Of course my MIL says it is hormones.
My Mom: Let me tell you something that happened the other day....
Not even a WOW or AW or I'm sorry but
CHANGE OF SUBJECT COMPLETELY!
Why can't she just realize I HAVE A PROBLEM? Does she think it isn't there? Does she really think if we don't talk about it God will just fix it? Does she still believe it is all my fault? My faith still isn't big enough, strong, enough, or even there!
I would give my right foot for my mom to be different sometimes. Yes, she sends me cards saying, I love you, all the time. BUT changes the subject on a dime. If only she knew how ugly my life can get.
Don't get me wrong, I love her. BUT I need to learn to keep my stupid infertility thoughts to myself. Remind me not to tell her when we start up our IUIs again.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Change of Subject
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16 comments:
OH we need to meet and have a liqiud lunch and discuss "mom's (lack there of) way of handling our situation" TOTally can relate here!!
That just sucks. Moms are supposed to be there when you are in pain and in need.
I'll lend you my mom, if you want. So long as you take her when she annoys me.
I'm sorry, honey.
My mom left when I was 2. When I was losing my last baby all I kept thinking was how much I wanted a mom to just hold me. Not really say anything, but just listen to me. How jipped I was to have a crappy one.
I'm sorry you got jipped, too.
She could feel guilty. She did create you, and might feel she's to blame for your pain. Or, she's uncomfortable with the subject. Or, she just has no clue what to say. Or, she's just clueless (no offense). Regardless, it's a tough spot to need your mom and not have her available emotionally to help you through.
I guess since she doesn't know how to FIX it, so she needs to deny that there is a problem. Sucks. I think it is about her inability to do anything to make it better. She doesn't know how to support you, so she just sticks her head in the sand. It is easier for her to hide than to face the pain head-on.
I'm so sorry! And I can totally relate. (You are not alone!). One of the most painful parts of this whole thing for me has been the lack of understanding and empathy I've felt from my mom, especially coming after her bugging me to have kids. I guess that's why it's so good to be able to get support from others. (Although that still doesn't take away the pain of your mom not being there). - Laurie (from the DC dinners)
I completely empathize with you. To make you feel better: My mom went so far as to comment "anonymously" on my blog telling me that I should give up on having a second kid and just be grateful for what I have. Like I'm not grateful. This was also during the time when she cheated on and left my dad so she wasn't high on my list of favorite people anyway.
Let's drink to this one tonight my darling...
Your mom must not be able to go there for some reason.
That's what the blogosphere is for...
((hugs))
Ouch. It's really too bad that your mom isn't there for you on the issue of infertility.
I will remind you=) I know how this feels.....ugg. So frustrating.
People, even moms, just don't know how to deal with things sometimes. When I had my m/c, I would tear up on the phone with my mom after the fact and she really just didn't know what to do with me. She even asked my husband if we should really keep trying since I was so emotional. I'm so open and a face things head-on type of person that I sometimes forget that my mom not being that way doesn't mean she doesn't care.
I agree--we totally need a liquid lunch for this one. My mom isn't supportive either. She wants a grandchild, but thinks it's all so simple to get one. You know...I should just lose weight and that will do the trick. Never mind my husband's sperm count. I feel your pain on this one. So sorry!
Sunny, I think your mother realizes you have a problem, but like a PP wrote, she's really powerless to fix it and her impotence makes her uncomfortable. Moms are supposed to fix things and when they can't, they just feel helpless. What she fails to realize is that you don't want her to "fix" you, you want her support. I know it is hard, but have you thought about telling her this? I know, somehow it is easier to talk to total strangers about things than our own parents. Maybe ask a question about your infertility next time instead of making a statement about it. For example, instead of saying, "infertility sucks", you could ask her, "why do you think infertility sucks?" Hell Sunny, I don't know, but I think if you try to work in the topic in a non-threatening manner, she might warm up to the topic and talking about it. If not, remember, you have us! : )
I agree, she probably just doesn't know what to say or do so she feels uncomfortable with the subject. My Mom is the same way and it sucks. I'm so sorry!
Excuse me, you seem to have stolen *my* mother! Please return her as soon as--well, nevermind. You can keep her! :-)
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