HUGE Hope

There has been a lot of talk about hope around here lately.

After reading The Town Criers post on holding hope I haven't stopped thinking about it. I have talked about it with many friends. Today I was reminded of it again.

I have come to a place where my hope is only slightly there. You know the kind of hope that makes you keep temping or making a wish on a star or birthday candles. The hope you give to others that really is only a kind gesture at times. But not the HUGE hope that is needed to make your world fall apart if it doesn't happen.

I have been moving around in a very surface way. I know that my due date is approaching. I try not to think about it because I know what it will do to me. My IUI is coming up as well around the same time. We are putting out just a little bit of money for this one. Of course Grumps doesn't like that the money goes out even if we get something in return. I don't want to have HUGE hope. I just want to have little hope like a balloon flying in the air. I know that the balloon will not stay blown up forever. I even know that there is a chance it could fly away right from my fingers. That is the kind of hope I have right now.

I have decided to give my HUGE hope to my friends. D is holding it right now. I gave it to her for safe keeping. I am holding hers. Right now she is using my HUGE hope towards this current cycle I am in. My HUGE hope is believing that I am pregnant right now without even having to do my IUI. I can't think that. D is thinking it for me. I laugh every time she brings it up. See I gave her that HUGE hope for a reason. She holds it well.

Who is holding your HUGE hope for safe keeping? Or are you holding someone else's because it is easier than holding your own?