Tuesday, March 06, 2007


I need to be held tonight. I need to be held tight. I feel like I am unraveling. It just all hit me. Well maybe not. It has been slowly coming. The heaviness that sits on your chest. The feeling that you can't breathe.

I just need a moment for me. I need to go through my short little pile of memories from this summer. I need to look at the 'baby' picture and touch 'her' things. I need to just be.

I don't want to get here again. I don't want to sink low and not be able to get back out of the pits of despair. I have been so good. I have stayed high. PLEASE don't let me fall!

I hope this feeling lightens soon. I don't think I can hold on like this treading water and putting on my mask until April. I hope it is just a 'tonight' thing. The long days, the to do's and dates, the wine, the stress, the pms, Grumps.

I just need to be held tight tonight. Not by any flesh arms but supernatural arms. God's arms. I need to be held tight!

Hold me Jesus
by Rich Mullins

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart


Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin


You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace


Patience said...

Sending you much love my friend x

Cathleen said...

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time.


Karen B. said...

Praying that God held you tight last night and you are feeling better today. Love you!

Karaoke Diva said...

I have moments/days/weeks like this. The important thing is that you are recognizing it and reaching out to your friends and faith to help you. Your grief and the feeling of loss will always be with you, and I think it's OK to indulge in those feelings now and then. Just don't let yourself drown in it. Always remember that there are people in your life who love you very very much.

Curly Mommy said...

I am lifting you up to Him, dear friend. I am praying for peace, and joy.

snapshots said...

Praying...holding...lifting you up as the tears flow with you. Love you always, my friend.

GLouise said...

Lifting you up dear sister-friend...You are allowed to be sad sometimes!

And may I say that I also love Rich Mullins? Love the lyrics to this song, too.