Monday, September 25, 2006

Raise Your Hand

Okay I have been wanting to do this for awhile.

Raise your hand if you are a part of this infertile club?

Just shoot out a comment.

I know there are many who read who don't comment. I am just curious.

I know that there are many who read who aren't part of this club. I AM SO GLAD! But I do thank you for your support and for reading. It is helping teach others to be sensitive and aware.

I know there are also many who read who used to be a part of this group. I want to hear from you too.

Don't be shy!


Rosemary said...

Hi, I just happened on your blog from Jill's and here I am raising my hand! 2 years, 2 months of trying, 1 very early miscarriage.

Just today I was praying for ACCEPTANCE b/c I don't see that I have any other options. Well, there's bitterness and despair, but I've tried that and it didn't work so well. . .

Sunny said...

Rosemary I am so glad you raised your hand. Well not glad but glad that you can not be alone. I am so sorry for your journey but I am glad you have chosen to move past the yuck.

Don't be a stranger!

I think we all need to get tshirts!

kellg said...


I've been reading your blog for months -- ever since I discovered I had endometriosis. I've gotten such inspiration from your Christian perspective to infertility. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

Meri-ann said...

My hand is up! 3 years of IVF, 3 losses (2 of twins, both fairly late, one early one last month)- still slogging away and trying to achieve our dream!

Sunny said...

Girls keep it coming!

Kellg I need to go and read your story. Endo sucks by the way. I am glad I can inspire you. Without God I would be gone by now. In every sense GONE! He holds me steady.

Meri-ann I am so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine but I am proud of you for not giving up hope!

Jay said...

Waving my hand too!! As hard as it was, I'm glad we didn't give up trying. After 3 m/c's and 1 still-birth I have 2 wonderful boys. It was a 5 year difficult roller-coaster journey.

Carla said...

Raising my hand! Currently in the 2ww of my 4th IVF. I had an ectopic from my 2nd IVF.

Nobody can figure out why I keep kicking out the embryos.

Not exactly what you want to hear. "We don't know why...." doesn't help anyone.

I love your idea about Oprah. Everyone goes through all of this sensitivity training so nobody gets offended, but there isn't a section in there about how to deal with the infertile people of the world. We need to stand up, be counted, and demand to be respected.

Alli said...

Raising my hand and wishing I didn't have to.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm trying to be sensitive, but what exactly does that mean? EVERYTHING seems to be considered insensitive. What are friends and family members supposed to do? We are walking on eggshells, and they are breaking. Just know that we are not calloused idiots. We are trying and we have good intentions.

I love you, but I'm too scared to leave my name. I don't want to seem insensitive.

Iris said...

Maybe I shouldn't comment because I can't raise my hand. I have not been on this infertility journey on a personal level. After reading the last comment, however, I feel I need to comment.

I have been on (a) journey(s) in life where people have been incredibly insensitive. Most of the time they mean(t) well and sometimes they just have no frickin' clue.

Having been on the friend end of the fertility journey a couple of times, I know what you mean by those eggshells. I also know that that is a normal part of the journey. I know that as a friend I try to understand, but there's no pretending. I have no clue what it is like to go through this journey. BUT I know that as a friend I stick through things through the thick and the thin...including the eggshells...and it's those times that help mold friendships.

Yes, often I feel like I say the wrong thing. Or I don't say something when I should. Or I shouldn't have said anything at all. BUT I also know that my friends have the grace to forgive me. I also know that my friends know that I am doing my best to be understanding and that when I screw up, I am going to try to do better the next time around. And as has been said before, it's important to be educated and aware. Being educated and aware helps us to be sensitive.

We can only hope and pray that we are doing the right thing. That we are being supportive in the way that is needed. And I've found that everyone supports in different ways and each one of those ways is important to the receiver. I have my ways of showing support where as someone else has a completely different way, but each is needed and each is important in their own way. This is not to say that one way is better than another.

So, I guess I am just saying that the eggshells are normal. What does it really mean to be sensitive? I think each of us has to figure that out for ourselves as we go along.

(Side note: Sorry...I can't comment through blogger...blogger beta screws with my commenting ablities)

Sunny said...

Jay I am so glad you stuck through it. I am glad you didn't give up at all!!!

Alli I totally know what you mean. HUGS!

Anony I think you missed my point on the sensitive level. I understand that there are eggshells too. There are eggshells in all levels of life. You just have to walk sofly. It is those who don't try to be sensitive. I know that those who truly care in my life are there. They might say or do something that might not be always 'right' but it is the heart that matters. I know the heart of the person. I know what it feels like to have to go up to someone's door or make a phone call when you aren't sure how you will find that person on the other side. It is scary. I could have only hoped that the person knew my heart. BUT I am around people who aren't part of my inner circle but who know about where I am. They don't try to be sensitive. When I was pregnant this summer I was afraid to go to work and share my knews. I knew that someone would say to me, "See, you only needed to relax." We all know that wasn't my problem. Since being back at school I work with someone who knows about this summer. She tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant YET she constantly makes comments to me about how her pants are tight like mine. Or she is getting fat and can't help it. It drives me nuts. So I guess what I want you to know those who truly care, I know. They aren't the ones who need to be sensitive. It is the 'others'. Those who only want to drop advice. I am sorry you felt like you couldn't share your name.

Maybe I should have made that into its own blog entry. Didn't mean to make it so long.

Sunny said...

Iris you have always said and done the right thing. I know your heart. LOVE YOU!

Anonymous said...

I think those advice droppers mean well too. I think most of their hearts are in the right place. What else is there for them to say? They want to fix the situation, but can't. They say the best thing that comes to mind, even if it is trite and useless.

Really, the next time I meet someone struggling with infertility, what am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry." "I'll pray for you." I really don't want to make a painful situation worse.

I guess the pregnant lady at work just can't see past herself. It seems that pregnant women often feel that others should be as excited as they are. It is probably very hard for her to think of anything other than her pregnancy. It sounds like she speaks whatever is on her mind. I'm sorry that she won't shut up. I know it is hard not to be angry and jealous. I have felt those emotions myself.

I'm sorry for making my comments on this blog. I guess they should have gone on the Oprah blog.

I think the infertiles should stand up and be noticed. I'm behind you 100%, even if I don't leave my name.

Sunny said...

Thank you Annoy. You should have commented on this blog for sure.

When someone throws advice at me I always know that they mean well. That they are doing what they know how to do. So that is why I would like people to be aware more. Giving advice like, just get drunk, begin to adopt, get a dog, just relax, it will happen, or I know a friend who... is how they help but it isn't helping. Seriously say, I am sorry. I am praying for you. I am there for you if you need someone is all I need.

My friends give me the look, the squeeze without saying a word. Those looks and squeezes mean the world. I can feel their broken heart for me.

As for the pregnant girl, I have never told her to stop saying those things because I know that she is pregnant and loves being pregnant. All I am asking is that she doesn't compare herself to me or my situation. I just tune her out when she does. I don't mind the preggo talk. I will be doing it myself but the rest drives me nuts. Those around me who know about this summer can't believe her mouth either. Oh well, I have given in to it and seriously tune her out.

I do thank you for your comments and for sharing your heart as well. Being infertile is a tough place to be. I know that it is tough for everyone around you as well. It is very hard on my friends who all just had babies. It changed our friendship for a bit. But they were true friends and just understood that things would be different. I had to cope. They never once got upset at me. They were right there waiting for me to come back and hang out.

Thank you again for supporting us.

Hopeful Mother said...

Raising my hand to say "me too." Male factor infertility here (severe) - 1 failed IVF/ICSI and about to start our 2nd cycle...

Oprah has such clout in this world - it would open people's eyes if she would do a piece on infertility. Great idea.

Curly Mommy said...

I was a part of this group for a time (my progesterone issues). I remember my own fear, doubt, frustration, anger... I'm am praying for you, all of you.

seattlegal said...

Hi Sunny - I just recently started reading your blog and here I am raising my hand. I am part of this infertile club too, but hopefully, for not too much longer. I've been in it for far too long - almost 5 years.

GLouise said...

Raising hand. :-)