In my last post I said, "lost her baby".
I HATE SAYING THAT!
I guess I said it because it wasn't about me. But when I talk about our baby I don't say lost. I might say miscarriage or even just talk as if she is still alive. (I believe in my heart it was a girl. We both wanted a little boy but I just knew it was a girl.) I also say, "When we were pregnant..."
Saying, "We lost the baby" is like we forgot it at the store and couldn't find it again.
I never lost it. She is so in my heart and in my thoughts all the time.
Today in church as our pastor talked of heaven, I imagined meeting my little one and crying tears of joy. I battled over there not being tears in heaven. I can't imagine not seeing my baby without crying.
Last night I fell asleep pretty early. Grumps made me go on this ridiculous hike. I was pretty beat. I remember waking up just barely as Grumps was settling in for bed. He opened my arms to hold the baby bear/blanket that Snaps gave us. I wish I could have seen his eyes. I am sure they would have been sad. I am sure he thought what I think every time I hold it. "I wish I was holding my baby."
I never lost my baby. I know exactly where she is. She is waiting for me.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Lost
Posted by Sunny at 3:06 PM
an attempt at organizing: angel, Grumps, miscarriage
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4 comments:
Amen. I feel those same things. My babies are not lost, I know where they are found. I dream of the day when I will meet them again.
perhaps tears of saddness are not in heaven but tears of joy are, I wish I knew. What a sweet man Grumps is.
Jay I am with you. I can't wait for that day.
Jennie Grumps is a sweet man when he wants to be. :)
Man, I can't imagine heaven without tears. Tears are a HUGE part of my life. Happy tears. Sad tears. Excited tears. Tears!! And it's not a bad thing. There have got to be joyful tears in heaven. I believe there are.
(your precious angel has always been a girl in my mind as well. So interesting cuz we never talked about that, did we? I had even picked up a pink bear/blanket, but then decided that perhaps that was pushing it a little and stuck with the yellow)
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