The Week

I have really wanted to blog for days. It is my little bit of therapy. I find that I usually feel WAY better after getting my thoughts out there to the world. There is something freeing about it.

This week has been very long and hard. Having family here really makes it tough to deal with grief and life. In a way it has been a great distraction. But it also has been very wearing.

I am very glad that Tuesday is over. I am also sad that it has come and gone. So sick how that works. I had a wonderful day getting a massage and having lunch and drinks with friends. I was surprised how during my massage I started to cry when she began to work on my arms. The thought that came to my mind was, "I should be holding a baby right now, NOT getting a massage." In fact during most of the massage I worked hard to clear my head. I found myself just thanking Jesus for my life. Then I would tear up again.

When I got home that evening I fell apart. I had flowers, cards, and emails from so many amazing friends. The love that surrounded me caused me to finally feel the sadness that I had been bottling up all day. I cried for hours. I cried so much that I just couldn't leave my room. Grumps was really wonderful. He gave me space when I needed it but also totally was there too.

Now that the 20th has come and gone I now get to obsess about this cycle. Tonight I gave myself my first injection. GO ME! I didn't even flinch! Grumps and I both prayed as I did it. Praying for it to work. Praying for amazing eggs. Praying for life to form soon. My hope is still being held tight by others but I am feeling it growing in me. My ultra sound is Sunday to see when I should trigger.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!