Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Room

We have a room where all of our babies things are. All of the cards, gifts, clothes, memories hide.
I look down the hall and see that room. It is a sad place. It was going to be the nursery. I was counting down the days until I got to work on it. Now it is just a bed covered in memories.

Grumps finally shut the door to it the other day. Every time I looked down the hall I could see all the memories stacked high on the bed. Little by little we have been picking up the memories and hiding them away in that room. One day I will box those things up for safe keeping.

I had to take something to the room the other day. Usually I just make a quick drop off. I don't look at the piles. I don't think about all that is there. I just drop and leave with my head down. This day as I dropped off I's thank you card I stopped. I stopped and touched the memories. I grabbed hold of the baby's teddy bear blanket. I held it and cried. I pulled out our babies picture and stared at it with heartache. I didn't want to leave the room. It was like I was locking away my baby forever.

I couldn't stay there any longer. It was just too hard so I left. But I left with that blanket from I. I took it back to my room. I curled up in bed with it. I cried for my baby. I hold it close while I recover from letting my baby go. I don't think it will be going back to the room for a while.